Was insulted for 10 minutes yesterday and feeling awful...

[Lelia2112]

I work in a greenhouse (I'm 23, just got a bachelor's in horticulture). The other day I was setting up with my friend, a redhead wearing a pretty green dress. I was wearing a black dress and leggings but was dressed for work. An older woman starts talking to us, telling my friend how her red hair makes her so unique, the dress is lovely, that young man(a guy I thought was interested in me) obviously enjoys talking to you, just praising her for a good 5 minutes. I jokingly said "yeah, I'm a train wreck." She responds "well, your hair is blah" and launches into a literal 10 minute harangue about everything about me, I look sad, I wear black and dark colors, I'm a little heavy, etc. Not one positive thing. After she shuts up I go back to work hoping to get away, she follows me to tell me about a girl she knew when she was younger who dressed like me and "found a husband once she cleaned herself up, there's still hope, dear." I've been crying since yesterday. I've never been in a relationship, have crippling social anxiety and have known I'm bi since high school, not easy to find someone willing to not be an idiot about my sexuality. I get that I'm not attractive physically, I don't even have any skills or qualities to redeem myself. I know I'm not pretty, no matter what I do. But why do people have to point it out? Why can't someone just lie to me and tell me I'm pretty, that I'm not failing at life? I've always wanted to find someone to love, I don't want to play the field, I just want the right person. I've wanted that since I was a kid. I don't care about money or stuff, I just want love. And I have to sit and listen to my one friend talk about her boyfriend, hear my younger sister taking about meeting cute guys at school. They'll get hit on or told they're pretty by complete strangers in front of me. I don't get that. I just don't get why nobody can be nice to me. I'm sorry, this is probably just sounding like a pity party but I need to get it out. I guess I was just hoping that nobody noticed how terrible I am, even though I knew. I just want one person in my life to not screw me over

[Remi]

Hey @Lelia2112

 

Welcome to our community, we are so happy to have you here!

 

I'm so sorry you experienced this, you are so entitled to feel upset and hurt by this whole experience and i'm so sorry that it has triggered thoughts around low self esteem. You have to know that this woman knows nothing about you, about who you are or what you bring and therefore you should not take anything she says with any bit of kind or notice. It's likely she is unhappy in herself to talk to you like that and i'm so sorry this has happened.

 

I know it feels as though this is how everyone feels, and this is because when we struggle with our self esteem we don't have kind words to say about ourselves. If you can try and challenge this voice that tells you, you aren't enough.

 

What are some things you are proud of yourself for?

 

You are not other people's opinions, we are here for you and we think you are a beautiful shining light!

 

-Remi