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I don’t even know what to do because I am falling apart. Because yesterday I was okay. And now I’m not. Because right now I just want to not exist. Not die, I’m too scared for that, I just don’t want to exist, and there’s just so many reasons. For one my family has no idea how hard it is for me to function, like at mealtime, at least 4 things need to be perfect or I can’t even eat, and my family makes fun of me for it and they don’t get it and I can’t explain and there’s so many things I’m so insecure about. Even looking semi-decent and we have a new rowing uniform and it’s formfitting and I ‘m 115 lbs and I have the slightest amount of belly fat showing and so I did the math and I know Imm over 2000 calories and Ugh, and I started going to pt and I’m self conscious in there, and it just seems easier if I didn’t exit, and I know at least a few people who would be glad for it. And a few more who maybe wouldn’t be glad but would be so much better off and I just don’t want to exist. And no I’m not in danger, I already said I don’t want to die.