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The urge to self harm right now are so strong my medication ran out on monday and i have felt like shit ever since and I have to pick up a new prescription tomorrow but i don’t know how im going to make it through the night without giving in to the urges I also want to die but not planning anything but I just no longer want to exist on this shitty planet. I keep thinking everyone will be better off without me and if I’m out with my friends I think will people even notice if I’m not there no one ever messages me first I always message them and it’s like will they even notice if I didn’t message them for a week because i clearly matter to them so much that they don’t bother to message me and it’s like every time I say something about how I’m feeling they always say you matter you can always talk to me etc all that bullshit and it’s like your only saying it because you have you. If i really mean that much to you message me saying it out of the blue because that could help anyone struggling a simply message saying you care could save someone’s life but no everyone’s too busy with their own lives to care and it’s like professionals say that you matter but it’s like they are being paid to say that and yeah okay maybe you get some people who actually care but that doesn’t change the way you feel about yourself