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Showing results for tags 'highfunctioning'.
I think the worst part about being high functioning is that you never believe you're sick enough, not even on a bad day. I know something is off. I've had reliable friends tell me to go to counseling but I just won't go. I keep telling myself that there's someone who has it worse and that I'd be stealing resources they need more. On good days, and I had a positive month after a totally awful one, back to back, I think maybe there's nothing wrong at all. I find ways to explain it away as lack of sleep or hormones. Sure, I SH a bit but they were only scratches, only bruises. I've survived worse urges without the help of a counselor or even a friend to talk to. I'm independent, not a nuisance who bothers others. No, I can't be depressed. Sure, I think I'm worthless and don't care if I die but I clean my room, practice hygiene, and get up every day for work. I can't have anxiety. I was just a little nervous, that's all! Hell, I never had an attack so it's not a problem. It's not a real ED. I'm just health conscious and get a little overly zealous about fasting sometimes. ...Until I get tired of punishing myself for other people's sins and decide to buy groceries again. Maybe the trauma wasn't bad enough if I was articulate, clean, well dressed, smart, hard working and creative while it was happening. Maybe it was a well needed life lesson and not abuse and I'm just an attention-seeking ungrateful drama queen. I don't understand How I'm functioning this well but I'm thankful for it. I should be. Not everyone is this resilient.