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kateaux

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Everything posted by kateaux

  1. Hi! so there is a situation. I can fuss about little things and I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion because I get emotionally overwhelmed. So right now I am really really angry but I don’t know if this is a valid problem. I will explain what the situation is. So my boyfriend has friends (ofcourse). But there is this one girl that messages him along the lines of “hi babe! ”. Now I don’t go thru his phone but this stood out. For extra info. My boyfriend and I rarely talk via text and when we do it’s very informative and not at all flirty. I have told my boyfriend that I don’t like the way she talked to him and that I don’t even know her so I feel uncomfortable with this speech. And I asked him to handle it and correct her. He told me he did. This was a while ago and I trust my boyfriend. But just now I wanted to check the time as I couldn’t fall asleep. And I noticed another “hi babe! ” text. Now I am sick to my stomach. I am so angry. But I also know that he is not obligated to do anything for me. Now I want to adres this to him like this. i know you are not obligated to do anything for me as you are your own person. But I have expressed my feelings about this before and have asked you to do something about it. This reoccurring behaviour leads me to think that you have not handled the situation. I no longer have trust in you and therefore I feel the need to end this relationship. I don’t know if this would be dramatic or overreacting, so I would love some advice. Especially because we have been together for almost 4 years and I don’t want to leave him but I kinda feel as if there is no other option because I feel very backstabbed.
  2. hi @elinimigo, i'm a member of this community and i just read you're heartbreaking story. you sound like the best kid a mother could ask for. i can only imagine how difficult it must be to see you're mom break down a little more each day and feel like you can't do anything about it. i'm not a mentor or therapist so i can't do more than be a listening ear for you. however from what i've read it seems like you are doing way more than you think. i am very sorry for the loss of your grandmother that must be devastating for you aswell as your mother. i'm wondering, you said that your father has enough help at the office and that your mom could really use a break from the office. is there anyway that can be arranged? it sounds like you are under a lot of stress to , don't forget to give yourself some attention. besides listening it might be very helpful to tell her how proud you are of her and give her a big hug, (if you are not doing that already).
  3. hi! @Monsoon, you are right, deep down i know he loves me very much. also i think focussing on myself would help. i'd love some suggestions on things i can do to support myself more. in my opinion you should support each other equally but right now there is no way that's possible. so this is gonna be really hard but i've got to step up and support myself aswel as him. i like to think i'm already doing that but the truth is i am not giving myself the support i need. and i don't know how to do that. so yes tips and tricks are very welcome! thankyou in advance
  4. hi @Monsoon, thankyou for responding so quickly. i will adress the most important thing first. My boyfriend is currently in therapy and he is aware of the helpful websites but he doesn't want to listen to that. his therapist is the only one he will listen to. well currently he hasn't been showing concrete evidence in him losing interest but he has left me in the past so that is why im very anxious. i know i should be thinking positive but i think my negative thinking comes from a place of uncertainty. when he left me in the past i felt so broken and it was so unexpected. so now i am on high alert to spot any signs so that i will not be surprised again. but now with his battle there are a lot of negative things to notice. like lower libido. decreased texts/calls. wanting to be alone. not as active and energised as usual. lower workdrive. and i know these things are related to his battle but i can't help and also feel like it has something to do with me. and therefore i'm constantly seeking reassurance which is a very heavy extra task in his situation. i know this and still i can't help myself to do so. and after he reassures me i often start crying because i feel guilty for putting extra tasks on him. and this is very upsetting for him because to him it feels like no matter what he does it's never enough for me. which isnt true! but im just so anxious and right now im doing a course on OCD and how to manage these thoughts. also, my boyfriend doesn't like to ask for help. even when physically sick he doesn't ask for help. for example. last time he was sick i called to see if i could do anything or if he needed anything. he said no and that he was okay. i went over anyways gave him a big hug and made him some soup and then left to give him his space. afterwards he told me he really appreciated it and that he needed just that. and right now he is mentally in a dark place and i know he won't ask for help. and also he really loves to be alone he needs to work on things alone thats just in his nature. but how do i know when to leave him alone and when to go and be there if he wont tell me. and about the fun things. he always goes clubbing and excessively drinking with his friends and he doesn't text/call me. and i figure that he doesn't want to contact me when he is so wasted because he is ashamed and he knows what he is doing isn't right. in the past he would call/text me when he was drinking and having fun. but now he drinks to stop his negative thinking and to ease the pain and he knows this isn't right and i will be dissapointed if he calls me. so he just avoides it. but on the other hand i think maybe he just doesn't miss me anymore. i hope to hear back and thank you for the kind words.
  5. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness
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