This is probably going to be long. I'm a 21yr old guy and currently confused about my sexuality. I had a sexual trauma where my own grandfather abused me when I was 3 or 4. I was in an All Boys school growing up and had experimented with few guys when I was about 13-14, although all my crushes were girls. I was kind of a porn/masturbation addict by then. Although I only watched straight or lesbian porn. I did enjoy my same sex experience back then. But it has really scarred me. Back then I used to have fantasies but now it just horrifies me. I haven't had any experience with a guy after that. I've dated some wonderful girls. But now, I'm going through a sexual identity crisis. I worry about it all the time due to my past experiences. Almost as if I have PTSD. If you ask me if I'm into men.. I would say that I find them attractive but just not in a romantic or sexual way. But my past has me believing that I'm gay. Few people who heard about me think I have HOCD. Few people think that I'm actually gay and in denial. Honestly, I've dreamt of being with a girl all my life despite my past. I've found myself turned on by women as well. But I just don't know what my sexuality is and it worries me. I keep asking myself if I'm gay. I don't know what to do.