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  1. Hi! So I’m back again after a while. This time I’ve got a different problem— am I aromantic? Or have I just not found the right person? The question is starting to bother me a little and I want to stop it before it turns into an emotional turmoil. Here’s some background info: I’ve never been around guys much and the school I went to is very conservative. There weren’t a lot of “good� guys (I’ve only liked guys so far) there although I had a crush on one, I wanted to get to know him and be romantically involved. It didn’t happen and I moved on. I’ve had crushes on celebrities and I got lucky during high school, and found a guy I liked. I think I was infatuated with him, I’m not sure if what I felt at that time was love. Now we’re still together but I don’t know if I’m in love. I’m not asexual, but I don’t feel physically attracted to him very much. I have had a couple of male friends who I was close friends with and wasn’t attracted to in any way but I liked the attention I got and made the mistake of giving them hopes only to say no and turn them away so I have an issue with telling the difference between love and friendship. I didn’t do any of those intentionally and I feel sorry for it. I have a single parent and a huge father wound as well (parents separated, filed for divorce and he died before it was finalised; he never visited me and forgot that I existed) I like the idea of love and want to be in a romantic relationship. I’m willing to commit and be involved with only that person, and I’m not okay if they aren’t in love with me or if they only want platonic love. I may say “eww� to a relationship if you ask me but deep down I really want one too. I want to be with someone I know I’m in love with. Maybe I’m too inexperienced to even have this doubt and I know I have time to figure that out. But I’m so confused now if I haven’t met someone I like or if I’m just incapable of having any romantic feelings. It’s really starting to mess with my head. Any advice or thoughts on this will be helpful, thanks!
  2. Hello @Monsoon! I’ve been in this situation quite a number of times with the same people and I’ve tried talking to them about it. They just seem to shrug it away every time I bring it up and make me look like I’m complaining when they know I’m right. I'm hopeful that I’ll find some like minded people in the future, if not now. I’m trying to tell myself not to take them too seriously. And as for the book, I’m yet to get my hands on it, can’t wait to read it
  3. @Monsoon Hi there! It was truly liberating in a way when I finally said something I really wanted to say. I was never dishonest before this, but I was passive. It seemed like whatever I said had taken the people concerned by surprise. I felt good. I was glad I spoke my mind, and that I never said something unkind, while also being kind to myself because I’ve learnt that I’m worth all the kindness that I extend to others. Some times I forget, but I always find something that reminds me of this. I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’m hopeful for the best!
  4. What makes me think they don’t have the same connection as I do with them is that they only come to me when they need help with something. Whether it’s work, or just someone to vent out to, I’m always there. I check in on them, I try to make their lives better. But when I’m sick, or if I’m feeling low, they don’t bother. They’ve given me so little of their time, that when I need someone to talk to, I know I can’t go to them. I’ll give that book a read! @Monsoon
  5. Hi there! I’ve made a lot of progress for sure. I stood up for myself a couple times after this, and I try to be kind; but still let them know what’s on my mind. I definitely think I need To do some more work on this part of myself, but at least I’ve made some progress. Thank you @Monsoon for checking in and @Remi for your guidance! This is why I find peace in writing here. Thank you
  6. @Monsoon Hello there! I’m so glad you remember the conversation we had! When I say a lot of drugs around here, I mean to say in college and other places, but not at home. I do have a few friends, and I do have a circle, but the relationship I have with them feels more like a conditional thing. I’m not sure if they have an emotional connection with me, the way I have it with them. I almost always am the one that does things without expecting anything in return, and the very little they can do for me is to recognise it and be there when I need them. I don’t feel close enough to anyone, and I feel like that keeps me looking for emotional closeness somewhere. If I felt like I belonged somewhere, maybe tomorrow even if I find myself in a situation like this again, with me not being able to fit in, I’d at least be able to get through it with some support. I am working on making myself better, to handle things better and respond instead of reacting emotionally. I’m not sure what I should do now.
  7. Hello, I’m back after a long while. I’ve been meditating everyday and I’m doing good, feeling good even when things aren’t great. But I’ve been questioning myself over something lately and I can’t seem to find an answer. There’s a lot about drugs and all that going around here. I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink either. I’ve always felt odd, and like I never fit in any group of people. This predominantly exists in the industry I wish to work in. I’m worried that I’ll be left out again and not be given a good job if I’m so “conservative�. I definitely do not want to indulge in anything I think is against my morals. But the result of that is loneliness, and fear that I’ll always be left out. Is something wrong with me? I get very disturbed knowing that everybody is indulging in something bad and I wish they didn’t do so. I don’t know how to feel about this.. I’m worried something is wrong with me and I fear that I’m going to be left out because of this. Any guidance or support is appreciated!
  8. @Remi Thank you Remi! Maybe it’s time I looked into how I talk to other people and set some healthy boundaries.
  9. Hello there! I’ve come to realise that I’m too passive in all my conversations, and in my general being. I don’t know how to talk to someone assertively. Which is why I often bite off more than I can chew. I don’t know why I do this. I have a problem saying no, and I know that I’m being too nice. I want to learn to be more assertive. I don’t want to be aggressive, or passive, I want to be nice and still stand my ground. I think I have to admit that I lack self confidence and usually have low self esteem, but I’m working on it. Slowly but surely. I don’t know why I always thought that I’m never good enough and ended up pushing myself too hard since childhood. Does anyone have advice or tips to be more assertive? Is there anything I can do to have a healthy self esteem? How can I make these positive changes in my life?
  10. @Remi I’ve been trying the relaxation techniques and keeping up with the meditation as you advised. I use an app called Insight Timer as I definitely need a guide to meditate or else my thoughts distract me. I’ve always been this kind of person with a head full of a million thoughts. I will give the book a read, I think I really need it! Thanks a bunch Remi! I hope I will learn to be calmer, more resilient and accepting of the fact that I can never be always ready.
  11. @Remi Hi Remi! I am forcing myself to meditate and relaxation techniques. I have found that my mind has convinced me to think of a lot of things like my sexuality, my ambitions differently and I don’t know if what I feel is even real any more. I’m just going to rest my mind and try and let things happen on their own. I spoke to a therapist and they tell me that I’m manifesting my fear of surprises, or the unknown by over thinking and fearing a change. I am aware of the fact that I’m over thinking and I will eventually figure things out. I’m just really distressed at the moment, everything feels numb. I really hope I feel better soon! Thank you for helping me with this, it has been really difficult.
  12. @Remi Hello Remi! Thank you for responding swiftly! I needed it. It’s true that I have been really distressed by these thoughts. I tried meditating, and some of the other techniques for relaxing my mind but to no avail. In fact, it’s gotten worse now. I am convinced that I am bisexual now and that I’m going to fall in love with girls soon. If I had bisexual feelings towards someone, I think I’d at least know where this stems from and would be able to accept it (at least some day). I don’t understand how someone who has never been attracted to women, has never even had a fantasy of a woman, can suddenly be so convinced that she is bisexual. My mind has convinced me so well that I’m even starting to like women inside my head although I feel like when it really does happen, I most probably wouldn’t. I do understand that sexuality is fluid, and that it may change with time. I’m not resisting the idea of being with a woman, if it happens, it happens. But right now, I have no feelings towards women, not even celebs! I just think they’re attractive. I don’t picture a relationship with them or want to indulge in intimate activities with them. My mind is convincing that I do. I also feel like made a mistake of talking to my best friend who identifies as queer. Whatever she said further confused me. Because I never had any of those feelings, nor do I have them now. However, mind is slowly and surely convincing me that I like women, and I’m starting to get used to this internal debate where I look at everything through a giant magnifying glass. I’m even getting used to the idea that I like women (even though I don’t feel so) and that I’m going to be with one. It’s driving me nuts. I have given up trying to change my mind.
  13. @Monsoon I’m so glad I’ve heard from you, and yes, everything you‘ve said made a lot of sense to me. I’ve had really bad days after I made this post and found myself thinking obsessively about my sexuality. My mind is convincing me that I’m bisexual when in reality I have never experienced that type of attraction. I do of course appreciate the beauty of women, and I generally like androgynous women but I had never thought of being with them until I started thinking too much about it. I tried imagining myself in scenarios with such women and I did not find it appealing. My mind, however, keeps telling me that I’m secretly bisexual and don’t know it yet or that I’m going to be bisexual soon. I’ve been reading into every same sex relationship I’ve ever had, and even if I was just drawn to some girls and had adoration towards them when I was a child, my mind says I crushed on them! I really only liked them because they looked a certain way, were kind and good friends! After puberty, I’ve never looked at another woman and thought of being with her. I feel terribly exhausted thinking about this without a break. I keep bouncing back and forth between being bisexual and not knowing it, and being bisexual in the future. I have googled so much information, taken many tests (although I know no test can predict my sexuality) only to use that later to obsessively think again! I am so tired. I wish this would just go away!
  14. Hello there! I’m a 19 year old girl, and have always identified as straight. I have never had an interest in girls, but lately I’ve been watching too many films and reading books that have something to do with bisexuality and lesbianism. I didn’t go looking for it though. This led me to the thought- “what if I’m bisexual?� although I’ve never had any bisexual experiences, but I’ve thought about it. It doesn’t seem to excite me. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. It’s just the thought of the possibility that I am maybe a bisexual and I don’t know yet, or that I may become bisexual soon. I just can’t stop these repetitive and obsessive thoughts of me being a bisexual although deep down I feel like I wouldn’t enjoy a woman’s company the way I would a man’s. I do find girls pretty, I think they’re beautiful but I don’t really want to do anything with them. I also don’t know how I’d feel if a girl asked me out. I’m so confused. I can’t stop thinking about this and it’s driving me crazy! I’ve never fantasised about women, I haven’t crushed on any, I haven’t done anything even remotely sexual with a woman. I find it a turn off to think of sex with a woman, and when I try to think of a relationship with one- I find it hard to imagine. These are some things I did to find out how I feel. Another important thing is that I go to an all girls college, and am surrounded by girls all the time. My best friend identifies as queer and I know many girls that are too. I also don’t have any male friends or male siblings. My dad is no more and my parents were separated. We are currently under a lockdown in my country, and I haven’t had anything to do at all. I’ve been sitting idle though I’ve been trying to do something, I don’t feel like it at all. Could I just be over thinking and over analysing everything as a result of that? How can it be that all this while I’ve seen bisexual things, bisexual/lesbian people and never really considered it, and all of a sudden I doubt if I’m one? It’s driving me insane. I haven’t been able to eat, sleep or do anything in peace. Help me!
  15. Hi Remi! Thank you for your kind words! You’ve really made my day. I went through the article and I found that I see almost all the signs mentioned in it. I hope I can deal with them well and feel better real soon.
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