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Blondie

Digital Mentor
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Everything posted by Blondie

  1. @Anonymous3831 That's an interesting point with the computer. To super simplify it, I wonder if it needs 'practice' to get in touch with emotions. I know that psychotherapy and CBT have a lot of success with this, plus they are able to offer a safe place to do this so it's measured and you don't suddenly, for example, unleash a torrent of emotions that you are not ready for. A small way to start could be to practice opening up to people that you trust about an issue that you might need support on and see how that feels. I know that regular physical activity and plenty of rest can help to minimise any stress which should facilitate this. I know that a lot of people also practice mindfulness and meditation to start to get in touch with feelings and emotions. Do you think you could try some of these?
  2. @Marv this is tough for so many people and I was having this exact convo this morning. If everyone remained calm and shopped / purchased normally it would make a massive difference. I understand how this would aggravate your tourettes as often extreme emotions (happy or sad) can really play havoc with this. Did you manage to let it out once you were alone?
  3. @Anonymous3831 Hey, firstly, usually the best thing to do if someone is talking to you about their problems is to listen and allow them to vent. Ask pertinent questions and acknowledge what they are saying but often people just want an ear and to vent and are not necessarily looking for solutions. This can be hard of you are a natural 'problem solver' but your calm manner may actually be really soothing. Looking at the bigger picture, feeling numb or disconnected in this way can (but not always) be a sign of underlying issues like depression, stress or anxiety. From my own personal experience, after a particularly traumatic incident, it left me with a form of PTSD and this triggered the numbness. It takes work to move through it and for me, this was regular sessions a counsellor / therapist and talking it all the way through and unpicking everything. Is your GP understanding? They might be a good place to start.
  4. @sarasaw I'm SO pleased to hear that! We are always here if you need us
  5. @Saraa_ Hi, I know how much this hurts but when people are angry they usually yell something that will hurt the most. Siblings, even though they love each other, can say the meanest things and they know what makes us feel vulnerable. It doesn't make it right as that hurts a lot but it also doesn't make it true. You ARE beautiful.
  6. Hey Addison and welcome to community! I guess it's important to find out - did you already have any concerns before this was raised with you by your friend? I'm not aware of any programs that do this as generally they change one or the other or the change is say, adding bunny ears. Could you bring up using FaceTime with her if only briefly? If she is able to send videos then this would be possible. If this isn't possible, maybe your concerns are linked to how this relationship will evolve and move forward? Of course long distance relationships can be successful but ordinarily, there comes a point where there is a move to speak in person or to meet. What do you think?
  7. @Marv WOW!!!!! This is completely amazing - I'm high-fiving you from here! What a huge step this is! Oliver sounds like a great person too Keep us updated.....
  8. @Marv If you do decide to open up, I always find having a few points written down is a huge help just in case you go bank when you are in there. Some GP surgeries will let you book a double appointment (i.e. 20 mins rather than 10). At the start open up about why you came and then follow up with any points you have noted down so right from the start the doc knows why you are there. It's also useful to know what you would like to get from the appointment so they know what you need. So to summarise (and these are just examples): 1) "I'm here because I want to talk to you about my Tourettes..." 2) Raise follow up points you want to get across / explain 3) "What I would really like is..." Hopefully this helps!
  9. @Marv Hey! That's what we're here for! I think your idea about seeing the student support sounds like a good shout - it's a good first step to talking to a mentor and building trust so you know you can access them if and when you need it. This removes the immediate pressure of seeing a doctor if you're not ready. Stress has such an huge impact on our physical health too so it will definitely help with this.
  10. @Marv Hey, it's a big step considering previous experience and your reluctance to take medication but it could be that you're offered a different kind of support so always worth considering. Even if you do decide to do nothing now, a trip to the docs doesn't mean you have to go ahead with anything right now and you could check out your options. Usually best to make an appointment first so you're not waiting a super long time. Whether you decide to go or not you will not be disappointing anyone as this is your journey and decision. That you are considering discussing it is already a big step!
  11. @Marv I've lost count of the nights I've been out and it seems out of nowhere drama ensues... I tend to be the one that ends up trying to keep everyone happy while someone is in the toilet crying, someone else is getting back with an ex, someone else is arguing about something - it's exhausting! I think it's good to have a fun night out but other times to go out 1:1 or in smaller groups which don't get so chaotic. Maybe suggest to Oliver that you have a drink - just the 2 of you? Then you can chat without all the distractions. Also, when we truly bare our souls to people it's both a relief and utterly terrifying! It's a very specific kind of vulnerable to open up to someone in this way and takes guts to do as it feels like a huge risk. Oliver sounds pretty cool though so def consider seeing him 1:1 so you can properly talk.
  12. @Tiogair Hey and welcome! For some people attractions can be pretty fluid over our lifetime. I would definitely being open to going on a date with a female to see if there is a spark. You don't have to have a firm label on your sexuality so take your time with the journey.
  13. @Mammu Hey, I can completely understand how you can have a crush on someone that you've never met in person - there's often a huge amount of honesty in 'online' friendships / relationships and they can be successful. I guess an important point is - does she know you are gay? If not, bring it up in conversation without mentioning that you are attracted to her and see if this changes the dynamic of the friendship in a natural way. Another thing to consider is, would there be any possibility of you meeting? This would be a good way to tuque what the dynamic is like offline.
  14. Hey and welcome! Many people can be very fluid with their attractions and it can change over our lifetime. Some people who do identify as bi can find they have an equal attraction to both males and females and others will be attracted to both but find the attraction to, say females, tends to be more dominant. It could be that you are pansexual as you seem to approach relationships and attraction with an open mind which is great. I completely understand the desire to find that exact label that describes us but as it can change, sometimes it's better to relax and remain open to different people.
  15. Hey and welcome to community. Firstly you're being a great friend as unfortunately people in these situations often lose so many people from around them. A few things jump out for me: firstly, it sounds like she needs encouragement to get away. If this doesn't come from you, does she have family that might be able to step in with more influence? Also, as much as I am sure it was really lovely and a huge relief for her to move in with a guy that treated her nicely, what is often needed is for people in these situation to have some time, single to process and move forward. Support/therapy/counselling are vital at these times for someone completely removed from the situation to help provide perspective and to work on solution in moving forward, stronger and more confident. This then leaves friends being able to be just that - supportive friends. What can often happen if people move straight on to new relationships, is they and others can end up getting hurt as none of the trauma has been unpacked and worked through. I would actively encourage her to move out to a safe place (this can often be in a domestic abuse refuge which has the added benefit of offering the specific support and advice that she may need, as I'm sure you know, abusive relationships cause complex trauma) with her child. Once she had had all the professional support and support from great friends like you, there is a much higher chance of her successfully separating from the abusive parter. Remind her of her value, of her worth and that she deserves a partner (or to be single if she prefers of course) that is loving and respectful to her and her child. If the abuse is ongoing, actively encourage her to report to the authorities as her and her child's safety absolutely needs to be a priority.
  16. @sarasaw Keep reminding yourself that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Hold your head up high and take a day at a time and allow it to fade away. At a time like this you need to be kind to yourself and practice self-care. (Amazing tips here: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/25-ways-practice-self-care/ and here: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/9-ways-to-be-kind-to-yourself/ ) We're here for you!
  17. @Arden2 Hey, thank you for sharing with us as we know how difficult this can be. Firstly, let me reassure you that we hear you and we believe you. You didn't deserve to be treated this way by anyone and none of this is your fault. You deserve to get help and support in order to move forward and we want you to know that you are not alone. We are going to email you separately but meanwhile, are you currently safe? Do you have plans to take your life? It is okay to feel like this but remember that feelings can change and this feeling may pass. We support here Monday - Friday, 9am - 5.30pm (BST) and this link will give you a list of all crisis lines worldwide: https://www.befrienders.org where there are people available 24/7 to listen. You can also call your doctor or go to any hospital accident and emergency department and ask for help. You can also download this app and complete a safety plan to work on keeping for safe for now. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, you matter and you deserve help to get through this.
  18. @AndroidPlanet That really is annoying! Can you ask your phone provider to block anything? If it doesn't stop it may well be worth changing your number.
  19. @elliej14 Hey and welcome! I'm sure it's been a huge step in acknowledging it but what a positive one! One thing I've found about friendships / friendship groups in your 20's - they naturally seem to shrink. I know that not everyone has a huge circle of friends in their teens but it definitely seems to thin out in your 20's. In some ways it feels positive as I guess by then we're looking to develop deeper and more meaningful friendships but even so, it's a huge adjustment. On top of that people have more responsibilities so there seems to be less available time. I can completely relate to the large groups of people - I have intentionally joined a social group which limits the numbers at each get together to 8, so no one is overwhelmed and you can have real conversations / interactions with people rather than just flitting from person to person or sitting down alone as it's just too much. I did this through 'meet up' (Disclaimer: Ditch the Label has no connection with them at all - this is just my own experience so check anything you may plan to go to thoroughly!) The get togethers are divided into areas of interest so there's usually something interesting. I've made really lovely friends through this
  20. @AndroidPlanet Hey and welcome! I know how frustrating this is - sometimes companies that we deal with on a 'genuine' basis sell on our phone numbers to marketing companies. It might be a good place to start by checking with anyone that this might be (an insurance company for example). Another useful service is the Telephone Preference Service: https://www.tpsonline.org.uk/register
  21. @Adhara Well done - you absolutely nailed it! I know it's hard but you behaved perfectly under what was I'm sure a stressful situation. I'm hopeful that as she didn't get the response that she thought, she'll likely leave you alone now. We're always here if you need us!
  22. @AnotherGirl You're welcome - we're here for you!
  23. Blondie

    Fear

    @Mammu This must have been such a horrible experience! I know your dad means well in saying to 'not fear' but it takes some work to get through this. Firstly, even though I'm sure you were safe the fear in this case had a real basis (we are programmed to fear anything that can be dangerous - heights, falling etc) as you were in deep water. This was then reinforced by the instructor not giving clear instructions and the issue with your mask. As it was so traumatic, it's natural for you to feel that anxiety when anything reminds you of it. There are a few ways to move forward; some people find talking therapy works really well and some people find exposure therapy really useful. Exposure therapy allows you to break down the fear of water in as small steps as you are comfortable with. For example, you might just have your feet in the water and 'sit' with the fear for a few minutes until you feel a little more comfortable and slowly build this up. You could start with a swimming pool rather than the sea if this feels better.
  24. @Adhara Hey and welcome! I think you've explained this perfectly. First of all, you did the right thing in explaining to her why you had bought a ticket already and apologising for any inconvenience it put her to. You had no way of contacting her and I would think that most people after that amount of time would assume she had forgot. What I always find is an important point - we are only responsible for our own actions and behaviours and we cannot control how others behave or react. I realise that their behaviour can cause us to feel upset or anxious or angry or confused etc but you did the right thing in the circumstances. It takes time to let that slip away and for us not to hang on to feelings it leaves us with but it is possible with practice. Your feelings and thoughts throughout life are just as valid and important as everyone else and you are in no way 'less than' even though early experiences may have left that with you. Again, this takes practice but bis definitely achievable. This article is particularly helpful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/overcoming-low-self-esteem/ It can and does get better!
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