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Posts posted by Blondie

  1. Hi Emily, I'm sorry to hear that they weren't understanding when you talked to your friends. I agree it can be so tough to move away from them but if it can't be resolved it can really affect how you feel and your self-esteem which isn't great either. Have you tried spending some time with other friends, even if a small amount at first? Maybe if you did this over a phased approach (and assuming you like the other friends) it will make you feel better and you can get to spend time with friends who appreciate you and treat you well. As the other group have already noticed they don't treat you well it might be worth trying this.

  2. Hi Caraaa, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through - I know how tough it can be accessing services at CAMHS. Do you go there alone or do you have the support of family at any of your visits?

    Your safety and wellbeing is of paramount importance to us - when you talk about ending it all, can I ask if you have a plan?

    I want to make sure you get useful support and I'm sorry to hear that The Samaritans were not able to help.

    Are you in a safe space right now and do you have support around you? What I mean is, if you feel in crisis is there someone you can speak to in person?

    We'd like to speak more on this with you and can speak 1:1 online if you prefer.


  3. I do completely understand that but there are times when we are not able to hold somebody's trust - and suicidal intention is one of them. If she is in a dark place and talking about ending her life she could be in very real danger of making a decision which is permanent.

    Is she speaking in terms of ideation (i.e., "I don't want to live" or "I might as well be dead") or in terms of intention (i.e. having a real plan to end her life, such as "I am going to kill myself")?

    When people feel so low that they are talking like this they may need someone to step in and help, to give them a chance to get help and to feel better so we either need to go with her for support or ask someone else to step in. The latter may be the best option as you are her friend and not a trained mental health professional and they will know how best to help her. You can still be her friend and getting help for her shows just how much you care.

    If you would rather someone else get help for her (and I can understand that this might be a better option) you can speak privately to the NSPCC or ourselves and we can get help for her.

  4. Hi randomguy, thank you for sharing and you have absolutely done the right thing. It's hard when people share this with us as we don't want to betray their confidence, yet are understandably very worried about them.

    You are right to be concerned as it sounds like she is in a dark place and we should always take this very seriously, especially as she is talking about it so openly with you. It sounds like she needs some help and support. There are a few options:

    Keep speaking to her and let her know she has your support - offer to go with her to speak to someone (this might be her GP or a trusted family member), if you feel she is in immediate danger then always call 999 and tell them - they will send out emergency services who can intervene quickly. Check in with her often.

    Let her have the number of 24/7 support so she has it to hand in a crisis: Samaritans 116 123 and tell her that it is for all crisis situations, you do not have to be suicidal to call.

    Intervention may seem like you're breaking her trust but people who have been in similar situations say that it was what they needed and often they tell people because they want someone to help.

    You could ask her to speak to us on community of course and we will advise.

    If you are with her and she is feeling suicidal you can call an ambulance and/or take her to any accident and emergency hospital where they will help her.

    If in doubt - always call 999 and they do what they call a welfare check - they will send out emergency services to speak to her and make sure she is safe.

    Does that all make sense? Let us know how she is doing and we can advise more.

  5. Hey Meadow, firstly it's so great that you came out to you mom as it can be a huge step! I know that for a lot of people, coming out takes time for some parents, not necessarily to accept, but more to understand and process.


    The first tip here: https://us.ditchthelabel.org/9-tips-coming-out-to-parents/ addresses that, in that you may have had a lot of time to come to a place of your own acceptance but parents hearing it for the first time can feel confused. Even the most loving, accepting parents sometimes need to go through their own journey to really understand and can still turn out to be the most supporting parents to you.


    I know that right now you could do with unwavering support but try and allow your mom a little time and encourage her to ask questions or to reach out herself (separately, to say a parents group for LGBT kids) so she can really understand that you are still you, her daughter and this is just another wonderful part of you.


    It could be that she is worried for you and doesn't want to say what those worries are... or she may feel guilty later for not giving you the 'perfect' response when you shared it with her. Other parents will be able to give her perspective and their experience to help her. I know that's hard when you 'get it' and just want her to, too but it will be worth it.


    Do you have any relatives or family friends that would be supportive if you spoke to them? It could help bridge things with your mom?


    Keep checking in and let us know how you get on!

  6. Hi Mae7!

    Thank you so much for reaching out through our Community. We all have our own

    experiences, and we value yours - especially coming with an education background.

    The topic of building healthy friendships is so broad, but you bring up important

    concerns around appropriate communication.


    How old is your student and the person she is trying to build a friendship with? Does the other girl (receiving the texts/calls/etc.) want to have any form of friendship with your student?


    As an educator, you have the skillset to address this topic in a few different ways. First, I would suggest speaking with the other girl to see how she is perceiving the messages. Maybe she is unsure how to respond to your student. I can imagine she doesn't want to hurt your student's feelings (whether she doesn't want to be friends, or if she just doesn't want to feel obligated to respond all the time), but her needs also need to be addressed.


    Secondly, and maybe this is a conversation for another time, but maybe this is an excellent opportunity for your whole classroom to incorporate etiquette around social media/technology and around rejection/disappointment.


    So often we want to protect a person from feeling rejection/hurt/disappointment, but experiencing disappointment is okay - and will help us be self-determined individuals!

    One thing that does concern me is you stated your student may be saying mean things to the other girl. Would this be more along the lines of bugging/pestering or is it more?


    A lot of friendship time, now, is through a digital platform. We each have our own ?needs? around how much time is spent with our friends - it's important we communicate our boundaries around how much time we are able to give to a friend, however. The other girl should feel safe to say ?I can't talk right now, can we text tomorrow'? without repercussions. The problem comes when a person isn't honest about the interest in having a friendship that texts/calls? maybe this other girl would just prefer to see your student in the halls - or eat lunch with your student once a week?


    It may be beneficial to mediate a conversation between them. You could help facilitate healthy communication around boundaries and feelings (i.e. ?How does it make you feel (student) when ___ doesn't call or text you back'? And/or ?How does it make you feel when (student) calls and texts you over and over again, when you're busy and unable to answer'? And asking the other girl ?How would you like to spend time with (student)? Would you prefer in person conversations or online/text/call conversations'?).


    It's difficult to help someone monitor and navigate through the digital world, but you're observations are a great start. I believe the most important thing is to relate how a person's behavior will affect them in the ?real? world. Please, continue to ask questions and let us know how you get on. And, keep checking into our resources as we will be creating more content around appropriate social media behavior and friendship building.


  7. Great advice! Just to add to this, your grandparent and family will understand how difficult this is for you so if a letter, Skype or phone call is what you can cope with now that's fine.


    Also, do open up to other family members or friends as if you want to visit, going along with someone else as support might really help.

  8. Hi Abortxthexmission5, thank you so much for opening up about this. Can I ask if you are US or UK based so I can let you have some good organisations that may be able to help and who will really understand what you are going through. In lots of cases they have been through it themselves.


    We have some guides here: https://us.ditchthelabel.org/self-harm-the-ultimate-guide/ and here: https://us.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/


    It can be a long process to stop self harming as it's important to address all the underlying issues so please be kind to yourself while you work through it. You are the priority in this and you deserve the best help, advice and support.



  9. Hey Randomguy, yes, we can experience pain and discomfort from stress, especially around the shoulders and neck. But it's always best to get things checked out by your doctor just in case you have injured it and it's taken a while to come out and if it's stopping you do your normal activities. Let us know how you get on.

  10. Hi Randomguy, maybe have a look at this guide: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/parents-emotionally-bully-me/ which gives some excellent advice around dealing with bullying from a parent or parents. There really isn't an excuse for anyone hitting you and no one deserves this. It could well be that your mum needs some support too so if you were able to reach out for some outside help it would be good for her too and hopefully help the relationship between you.

  11. Hey! Thanks so much for asking as it's something I know that lots of people experience. Without sounding cliche, it's completely healthy to experience changes and variations in our attractions to other people. There is definitely nothing wrong with you!

    Many people are very fluid in their attractions (be it emotional, sexual, physical, romantic) and will experience attraction to 'people' rather than 'genders' and some people can identify as heterosexual their entire life and then fall for someone of the same sex.

    Sexuality is very much on a spectrum so I would encourage you to try not to worry about it and just to go with what feels right at the time.

    What do others think?

  12. Hi Heidi and thanks for opening up as I know it can be a scary time to go through when thinking about coming out to family and friends. It's also okay to not be 100% sure about the definitive label for your sexuality right now so don't rush or feel pressure to know all the answers just yet.

    You're right to think that you may be lesbian from how you describe your attraction to females but you could also be bisexual (bi) as people who identity as bi experience emotional, physical, romantic and/or sexual attraction to both males and females.

    It isn't always an even split of feelings so it's possible to feel more attracted to females at some points or to males at others or to feel complete attraction to one gender and partial attraction to another.

    What's important is that you are perfect however you identify and it's okay not to know all the answers now. You also deserve love and support around coming out and you can find some useful tips here: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-11-tips-for-coming-out-as-lesbian-gay-or-bi/

    Let us know how you get on and we're always here if you need more support.

  13. I often have trouble sleeping and find that not 'fighting' it is a huge help. I might just read or watch a film to distract myself until I doze off again. I know that if I try to hard to get back to sleep it just makes it worse!

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