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Everything posted by Blondie

  1. Hello Captain, Thanks so much for sharing, it must have been a lot for you to open up like this and we really appreciate it and you! Please know, it’s never too late to report historical abuse, or seek help for early trauma and I would encourage you to go and speak to a health professional about some of the things you have discussed as it sounds like bullying, abuse and having people around you that put you down has had a really negative effect on your self-esteem. I would also encourage you, as you have done here to open up to trusted family or friends in your life about how you feel. This could help lessen your feeling of isolation. Please know you are not alone in this and there are a lot of folks out there who do not feel worthy or have felt unappreciated in their relationships. Beauty is a construct and as cringey as it sounds it *does* exist in the eye of the beholder. The people that you have been with can’t be the right people or they would recognise your beauty both inside and out. Maybe your current relationship isn’t quite right if she isn’t attracted to you. You could always share with her how this information has made you feel. I found these two articles and I hope that they also help. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-10-tips-of-overcoming-low-self-esteem/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-signs-healthy-relationship/ Let us know if we can support you with anything else Captain
  2. Hello String-Cheese, Thanks for giving us such a detailed account of what you are going through. From what you have said you have done a lot for this woman and are not getting much back in return. Friendships are really a two way street and you have to feel as though the other person is caring and supportive of you as well. This woman seems to be going through a lot and it sounds like she may need to seek professional help. A divorce and the breakdown of many of her friendships are all indicators of problems in her life reaching a critical level. This may be why she has built an unhealthy attachment to you. I have had friendships that felt really draining too and in the long run I am happy I ended them to protect myself. I understand how you feel nervous about breaking off the friendship especially as you work together and are worried about what she may say about you - it is a tough decision but as you have already decided to end the friendship, you should carry on. Tell her that you don’t feel the friendship is very healthy for you or supportive and you could mention that you hope it won’t ruin your working relationship. You could gently suggest she visit her doctor who will be able to refer her to counselling services so she can get the right support to move forward. I would also speak to someone in HR in advance if you are worried about her saying things about you. I’ve attached a few articles I think might help. Let us know how it goes. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/are-they-really-your-friend-15-signs-that-suggest-otherwise/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/really-friend-quiz/
  3. Hi Diamond Nuggetz, Welcome to Community, we are so happy to have you here! This is a really great question and I totally understand why you may feel confused... Sexuality is a wide spectrum and there is no 'one size fits all' version. If you feel as though you are bi-sexual then you are - attraction and sexual attraction can be different. You may be attracted to someone and not want to have sex with them or you may just be still trying to figure out what your romantic feelings mean and that is completely okay! You could always try asking out one of your crushes on a date and see how you feel? What attracted to them originally? This article might help - https://www.ditchthelabel.org/i-am-a-bisexual-man/ This is a more lighthearted quiz you could take https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-bisexual-quiz/.
  4. Hi Babycakes9 Welcome to community and thanks for sharing that with us. It’s a really brave step to tell someone you have feelings for them so well done for building up the courage to do that. How long ago did you tell him? Sometimes with emotions people prefer to talk face to face so maybe he is waiting to speak to you in person. What would be your ideal response from him to be?
  5. Hello Music89, Firstly I want to say welcome to community. We are so glad you made it here! It sounds like you have had a rough year. But well done for you for reaching out to friends and your mum. You seem to have an awesome support network around you. We understand it’s hard to reach out sometimes and you feel like a burden to them but they care about you and will want to help. One thing to say is, it is okay to not be okay. The periods when you feel down must feel so horrible but when you are in those dark times try to remember that it will pass, just like it did last time, and the time before. You are stronger than you think. It’s so awesome that you have hobbies that you enjoy and such creative outlets are bound to help even if you can’t always enjoy doing them when you feel depressed. Have you ever spoken to a Doctor about the way you feel when you are depressed? It would be a good idea to have a chat with them to see if there is anything that they could help with. If you ever feel suicidal again please make sure you reach out to someone. This could be us or someone from your family or friends. If you are UK based The Samaritans are always there in a crisis, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and will listen without judgement. If you are US based then contact the NSPL on 1-800-273-8255 Don’t be afraid to tell the ones closest to you what is wrong, being depressed does not mean that you are never allowed to be happy and the way you feel is completely valid and your friends and family will hopefully understand that. You could also show them this and it may stop you from having to explain how to support you when you are feeling low >> https://www.ditchthelabel.org/depression-how-you-can-help/ I also think this article might help you. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-reasons-never-ashamed-mental-illness/ Thanks so much for sharing and we are here if you need us.
  6. Hi Sol! Welcome to community. That is absolutely amazing that you feel comfortable enough to discuss your gender expression to someone and even better that you already have a trusted adult in mind! The best thing to do is try to tell him exactly how you are feeling. What has lead you to feel as though you are non-binary. You could use examples of how you feel day to day to help him understand. Share with him what pronouns make you feel most comfortable. I would start by saying how you have felt this way since your childhood and you really wanted to share how you were feeling with someone that you really trusted. I hope that helps Sol, and good luck!
  7. Thanks so much for coming to community and I’m sure we can help you, I am so sorry you are feeling like this. It’s good that you think you are attractive with makeup on and I am so sure you are beautiful without it too! What is sounds like to me is maybe you are just a little unfamiliar of your face without makeup and so it makes you feel like you don’t recognise it. Would you say that you wear makeup everyday? I understand it’s so hard with the pressure to look good, especially on social media but maybe you could benefit from have a few days a week make up free just to get used to yourself in both forms. You said it first, I think the best thing you can do is to accept yourself and know that you are beautiful. Here are some articles I think will really help with building up your self esteem. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-10-tips-of-overcoming-low-self-esteem/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-ugly/ I really hope this helps you Elly.
  8. Hi Cyan, we're really sorry to hear these issues you're experiencing and are here to support you. By way of update, our mentors picked this up at 7am and we are currently working to get urgent help to you. We will be closing this thread, but have sent you an email earlier this morning - so please do keep the conversation open. If you are in immediate danger, don't delay in calling 999.
  9. Hi TheRainWing, that's some awesome advice from StopitMyles. Also, by removing gender from language can really open it up in these situations. So if you talk about things like "is there anyone you like / fancy" rather than "are there any guys you like / fancy" it gives people an opportunity to feel comfortable in being open. Good luck and I hope all goes well!
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  11. Hi Sally, these situations can be tough to navigate! Have you had a chat with your group of friends to see what their concerns are? Are they worried about the other guy's behaviour or something like that? It's definitely worth speaking to them individually (or in small groups depending on how many there are) and you'll know which people may be more understanding to have this kind of talk. Doing this in a neutral place makes it easier too to see their concerns have some basis. Let us know how you get on and we can figure something else out if this doesn't work.
  12. Hi Kitty, I'm sorry to hear this is happening and it can be understandably confusing, especially if this is different to their normal behaviour. This article should be useful https://www.ditchthelabel.org/bullied-by-a-teacher/ If you normally get on well with the teacher, you might want to think about staying back after class and having a chat with them - it could be that they have some stressful things going on in their private life and don't realise that they are being mean. It doesn't make it right, but it might help resolve the situation. Let us know how you get on!
  13. How do others deal with being told to "smile love - it may never happen" (or similar) on the street by random strangers. Most of the time I call people out on it but I'm interested to hear what others do!
  14. Stress headaches are the worst! They can really affect your mood!
  15. Hi Bianca, I can really relate to this and have had to work hard to love myself and accept my body and that I will never be naturally slim. I have to work so hard to lose even a small amount but things that helped me are: Only losing weight / getting fit for MYSELF and no one else or their expectations (that includes the pressure from society like advertising) Doing exercise / activity that I actually ENJOY and not forcing myself to sweat through, say a spin class which would be torture for me! Accept that change like this does take time (and I know how very hard this is) and some bodies have a natural shape that can't be changed too much. Doing exercise / activity with a friend can be really motivating - you don't necessarily have to work out with them but going together can really help. MOST IMPORTANTLY, focus on loving yourself / self-acceptance which is so important that I can't recommend it enough, there are some amazing body confidence voices out there. I've attached some links below - well worth a read! https://www.ditchthelabel.org/callie-thorpe/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/how-i-fell-in-love-with-my-body/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/meet-the-plus-sized-male-model-whos-killing-it-on-the-body-positivity-scene/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/we-all-have-insecurities-and-probably-always-will-mia-kang-gets-real-about-her-mission-for-model-diversity-and-how-to-cope-with-pressure/
  16. I'm loving all the Queen songs sings the new film came out - great to hear them again!
  17. Hi Emily, I'm sorry to hear that they weren't understanding when you talked to your friends. I agree it can be so tough to move away from them but if it can't be resolved it can really affect how you feel and your self-esteem which isn't great either. Have you tried spending some time with other friends, even if a small amount at first? Maybe if you did this over a phased approach (and assuming you like the other friends) it will make you feel better and you can get to spend time with friends who appreciate you and treat you well. As the other group have already noticed they don't treat you well it might be worth trying this.
  18. Hey LadyofStars! How are you getting on - were you able to have that conversation with your partner?
  19. Hey Cloudwaves! I'm sorry if your message got lost in the community update - do post again so we can help!
  20. Hi AnnaTheWizard! Just checking in with you to see how you are? Is your sleep improved at all?
  21. Blondie

    Hey guys!

    Welcome Curley! I'm also from the UK and your hobbies sound great! I like reading, films and coffee!!
  22. Blondie


    Welcome Fofo!
  23. Hi Caraaa, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through - I know how tough it can be accessing services at CAMHS. Do you go there alone or do you have the support of family at any of your visits? Your safety and wellbeing is of paramount importance to us - when you talk about ending it all, can I ask if you have a plan? I want to make sure you get useful support and I'm sorry to hear that The Samaritans were not able to help. Are you in a safe space right now and do you have support around you? What I mean is, if you feel in crisis is there someone you can speak to in person? We'd like to speak more on this with you and can speak 1:1 online if you prefer.
  24. I do completely understand that but there are times when we are not able to hold somebody's trust - and suicidal intention is one of them. If she is in a dark place and talking about ending her life she could be in very real danger of making a decision which is permanent. Is she speaking in terms of ideation (i.e., "I don't want to live" or "I might as well be dead") or in terms of intention (i.e. having a real plan to end her life, such as "I am going to kill myself")? When people feel so low that they are talking like this they may need someone to step in and help, to give them a chance to get help and to feel better so we either need to go with her for support or ask someone else to step in. The latter may be the best option as you are her friend and not a trained mental health professional and they will know how best to help her. You can still be her friend and getting help for her shows just how much you care. If you would rather someone else get help for her (and I can understand that this might be a better option) you can speak privately to the NSPCC or ourselves and we can get help for her.
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