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Blondie

Digital Mentor
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Everything posted by Blondie

  1. Hey, thanks for coming to us and opening up about things that can be really painful. Firstly, because your safety and wellbeing is paramount - do you still think about suicide or have any plans? You can always reach out to organisations in a crisis 24/7. UK: Samaritans 116 123 US: NSPL: 1-800-273-TALK [8255] I think your friend is trying to be a good friend but wasn't sure what to do to help so told his parents - it doesn't sound like he did it with bad intentions but more that he was worried about you. Why don't you meet with him somewhere and clear the air - it could be that he would welcome that too and you'd both have the chance to say how you feel and tentatively start to work out how you feel about him. (As a friend and/or as a potential partner). Even if we do just want to be friends with someone feelings of jealousy and confusion are completely normal when we realise they find someone else attractive or start to spend time with others as it can feed into our insecurities that maybe they won't want to spend time with us anymore. In most cases we have to make the effort to adjust and make time for each other but it's definitely worth speaking to him first just to gauge where you think he's at too and explain how you've been feeling. How does that sound to start?
  2. Hi, I can completely understand why this would feel so confusing! At the heart of it, regardless of whether you are bi or not, you don't reciprocate this guy's feelings. And that's okay. You can't be in a relationship with someone if you're having to pretend or force something as that won't serve either of you - you would both ultimately be unhappy. We also can't make ourselves be attracted in any way to a particular person or gender to please our family as that would mean living completely inauthentically which would be an immense strain to keep up. I would suggest being honest with this guy and saying that you don't feel the same way (you don't have to discuss sexuality if that doesn't feel right for you) but that you do really like him as a friend but nothing more. I know it's difficult but you both deserve this honesty. I would also suggest just dealing with one thing at a time rather than viewing it as a huge issue that needs dealing with all at once. How does that sound to start with?
  3. Hey there! Thanks so much for sharing with us and we're sorry that when you should be able to celebrate, it's tinged with concern. It's important to be true to yourself, which you are but sometimes unfortunately our concerns are real and the outcome isn't what we would wish for. If you feel you might be in any sort of danger in coming out (whether that is physical, verbal or in terms of being made homeless etc) we often suggest waiting until you are going to leave home anyway - for example, going to college. Also, do you have anyone that you can share this with - like a trusted friend or relative that you know would be supportive? This can often be a huge help in bridging any conflict with parents. Is there a particular reason you would like to come out now - are you seeing someone that you would like to bring home? We can help you work through options and are here for you.
  4. It's concerning that a school allowed this as it would appear that a valuable learning opportunity was lost as it is likely the child will be left with feelings of shame, even if that was not the intention.
  5. So happy to hear this! We're always here if you need us and I'm sure your experience will help lots of others.
  6. Blondie

    Hii :)

    Hello Maram - and a HUGE warm welcome!
  7. Hi Mr Anonymous, Firstly, you are never too old for ask for advice! We’re all here to help each other out and it’s wicked you’ve found community and us to talk to. You are not alone, this is a really hard time in life for a lot of people. It’s such a period of transition and it can be scary to feel as though you are drifting apart from people you used to be so close to. You are all still changing and having so many new experiences, you may even find that although you have drifted apart a bit you may come back together again later down the line. I found I had a really similar feeling when my friends from home all started coming back from uni - we had all just changed a lot and I found we didn’t have as much in common as we used to, it was sad but I ended up meeting a tribe who were all a lot more like me! Have you made many friends at college? It’s a big positive that you you enjoy going to college and work - don’t be too hard on yourself for not having much motivation for doing a lot else as that is already a lot! You could always try and see if anyone is free to hang out with you as they may be more on your level as you are both studying the same thing? It’s a really cool thing that your mum feels comfortable talking about mental health with you. And really you are the only person to know how you are feeling. I would recommend talking to someone at college if you are feeling low - having a trained mentor to talk to face to face can be really helpful. As for looking at ways to make you happier...I like that. Let’s think - I find starting a new hobby is an awesome way to get happy - something that you can get better at and see your progress, it could also be a nice way to meet new people. And finally don’t worry about giving off an impression that you are depressed. A lot more people than we know are going through something or another. 1 in 4 of us will experience mental health problems throughout our lives and there is no shame in that, so you are not alone! Have a read of these articles and let us know if any of them help! https://www.ditchthelabel.org/7-tips-combating-loneliness/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/5-ways-to-make-friends/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-reasons-never-ashamed-mental-illness/
  8. Hello Mr Anonymous, Have you asked your friend why he thinks that about your new partner? Does he have a reason based on something that’s happened or has it come out of the blue? I would ask him where it came from, it could possibly be a misunderstanding. If this guy is your closest friend it isn’t worth ruining your friendship over and although it is so horrible when your partner and friends don’t get on, sometimes people just don’t get on, and that’s okay as long as neither person is hurting the other. I’m always a fan of making my own mind up about people and if he hasn’t given you to feel this way then I would say make your own opinions of your new partner. Let us know how it goes!
  9. Hi Michael, Welcome to community, thanks so much for sharing how you are feeling with us. I can see so many positives in what you have written - you have two close friends, that’s awesome. My grandma used to say you should be able to count your real friends on one hand and I think it should be quality over quantity. Also it is brilliant that you have just started musical theatre and that you are so keen for starting new things. I see this as a real positive step. Have you researched local amateur dramatics classes in your area? Or local drama clubs? This could be a creative way to have more face to face human interaction. Do you have a student support service in your college, I would recommend you speaking to them. They are there to help and can point you in the direction of local services in your area if you need any further help and support with your mental health. I know it’s really hard. But try to not worry too much about the future, take each day as it comes and try to enjoy the present. As I said earlier it looks like you’ve just begun a lot of new things and I would wait and see what new opportunities that presents. Keep us updated with how everything goes and feel free to drop us another message if you need to.
  10. Hello Ancient History Book, It sounds like looking at your two parents lives side by side is hard as they feel so different. It’s an odd feeling when you feel like you want to look after your parents, but it’s really sweet that you want to support your mum in making some positive changes in her life. Could you suggest doing something fun together like going on a long walk, going to the cinema or a yoga class even? This might be an opportunity for her to open up to you and she might mention if she’s interested in a relationship or it might turn out that she’s happily single. You also have to practice self care when supporting friends and family and remember you can only do so much and you have to live your life too. So make sure you do something nice for yourself too! I hope that helps, have a read over these articles too - you may find them helpful/ inspiring! https://www.ditchthelabel.org/parent-mental-illness/ - I’m not suggesting your mum has a mental illness but some of the parts this article covers could be really useful in helping your relationhip with her. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/25-ways-practice-self-care/ - try some of these acts of self care, together or separately. Let us know how it goes!
  11. Hey Cloud Waves, Thanks for making it over to Ditch the Label community. This is such a good question and one a lot of people ask us, so you aren’t alone. It's a hard question to answer as I don’t know what they say but IMO if what they are saying you is making you feel bad, then it is bullying. Your friends may quite simply not know that this is getting to you like this. Trust your own instincts though and don’t feel as though you are being oversensitive. Have a read of this and see if you can lift anything out of it to talk to your friends about how their “banter� is making you feel. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/how-to...-bullying-you/ Also if you need any further help distinguishing banter from bullying. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/banter-or-bullying/ I hope this helps!
  12. Thanks for coming to us for advice - you are not alone in this! Firstly, I’m really sorry that something so lovely, that is obviously making you very happy is being the cause of stress for you, rather than the celebration that it should be. With homophobic relatives, as you may already know, these views are often passed down through generations, upbringing, and religion. Due to this, they may not be how the person actually feels, they may just be acting in a way that's ‘normal’ in their situation and understanding of how they see the world through their beliefs as they have just accepted this without ever really questioning it. This is of course complicated by your obvious love for your sister. From what you say, it seems like your brother and cousin are supportive - could one or both of them potentially talk to your sister to try and give a different perspective? Additionally, do you have any idea of how your grandparents would react - do you feel that they would make you leave? If you do decide to come out to your grandparents, it's important to be patient as they may react badly at first. Often, time is needed to help them come to terms with the news which can often result later in a good outcome once they have had time to process and find out more. It could be useful for you to organise to stay with some family/friends if you do decide to come out and it goes wrong. Is there anyone at all that you could ask like your brother or cousin? We completely support and agree that you should be able to live openly and happily, but in some situations it may be a good idea to wait until you're independent from your family before you come out to them; for example, if you go to university or move out. If you do decide to wait, it's important to build up a support network of like-minded people who are accepting. Just talking to them about what you are going through will help improve any stress/anxiety you may be feeling and still allow you to enjoy your relationship while dealing with the family issues. Most areas have LGBTQ+ support networks where you can speak to others in similar situations and really build that support and there are many that support other people of faith and will completely understand your dilemma. If you feel you can't wait, then there are some things you can do to prepare for dealing with homophobic relatives: 1) Have patience 2) Ask questions to see why they hold these views - this can help to deconstruct homophobia as these views are often just the ‘normal’ way to think and all that they know 3) Give your sister / grandparents a different viewpoint by telling them how it feels being surrounded by homophobic people when you are LGBTQ+ 4) Don't give up on your sister / grandparents - even though they may always remain homophobic, their views may become softer over time and more accepting 5) Prioritise your safety and wellbeing at all times. If it is easier to have these conversations from a distance over the phone then choose that route and/or have someone with you when you speak to them Please let me know if this is useful. We are here for you and can figure out new ways if not. Finally, the following articles deal with similar situations to yours and can easily be applied to grandparents rather than parents. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coming-out-homophobic-parents/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-11-tips-for-coming-out-as-lesbian-gay-or-bi/
  13. Hello Captain, Thanks so much for sharing, it must have been a lot for you to open up like this and we really appreciate it and you! Please know, it’s never too late to report historical abuse, or seek help for early trauma and I would encourage you to go and speak to a health professional about some of the things you have discussed as it sounds like bullying, abuse and having people around you that put you down has had a really negative effect on your self-esteem. I would also encourage you, as you have done here to open up to trusted family or friends in your life about how you feel. This could help lessen your feeling of isolation. Please know you are not alone in this and there are a lot of folks out there who do not feel worthy or have felt unappreciated in their relationships. Beauty is a construct and as cringey as it sounds it *does* exist in the eye of the beholder. The people that you have been with can’t be the right people or they would recognise your beauty both inside and out. Maybe your current relationship isn’t quite right if she isn’t attracted to you. You could always share with her how this information has made you feel. I found these two articles and I hope that they also help. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-10-tips-of-overcoming-low-self-esteem/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-signs-healthy-relationship/ Let us know if we can support you with anything else Captain
  14. Hello String-Cheese, Thanks for giving us such a detailed account of what you are going through. From what you have said you have done a lot for this woman and are not getting much back in return. Friendships are really a two way street and you have to feel as though the other person is caring and supportive of you as well. This woman seems to be going through a lot and it sounds like she may need to seek professional help. A divorce and the breakdown of many of her friendships are all indicators of problems in her life reaching a critical level. This may be why she has built an unhealthy attachment to you. I have had friendships that felt really draining too and in the long run I am happy I ended them to protect myself. I understand how you feel nervous about breaking off the friendship especially as you work together and are worried about what she may say about you - it is a tough decision but as you have already decided to end the friendship, you should carry on. Tell her that you don’t feel the friendship is very healthy for you or supportive and you could mention that you hope it won’t ruin your working relationship. You could gently suggest she visit her doctor who will be able to refer her to counselling services so she can get the right support to move forward. I would also speak to someone in HR in advance if you are worried about her saying things about you. I’ve attached a few articles I think might help. Let us know how it goes. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/are-they-really-your-friend-15-signs-that-suggest-otherwise/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/really-friend-quiz/
  15. Hi Diamond Nuggetz, Welcome to Community, we are so happy to have you here! This is a really great question and I totally understand why you may feel confused... Sexuality is a wide spectrum and there is no 'one size fits all' version. If you feel as though you are bi-sexual then you are - attraction and sexual attraction can be different. You may be attracted to someone and not want to have sex with them or you may just be still trying to figure out what your romantic feelings mean and that is completely okay! You could always try asking out one of your crushes on a date and see how you feel? What attracted to them originally? This article might help - https://www.ditchthelabel.org/i-am-a-bisexual-man/ This is a more lighthearted quiz you could take https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-bisexual-quiz/.
  16. Hi Babycakes9 Welcome to community and thanks for sharing that with us. It’s a really brave step to tell someone you have feelings for them so well done for building up the courage to do that. How long ago did you tell him? Sometimes with emotions people prefer to talk face to face so maybe he is waiting to speak to you in person. What would be your ideal response from him to be?
  17. Hello Music89, Firstly I want to say welcome to community. We are so glad you made it here! It sounds like you have had a rough year. But well done for you for reaching out to friends and your mum. You seem to have an awesome support network around you. We understand it’s hard to reach out sometimes and you feel like a burden to them but they care about you and will want to help. One thing to say is, it is okay to not be okay. The periods when you feel down must feel so horrible but when you are in those dark times try to remember that it will pass, just like it did last time, and the time before. You are stronger than you think. It’s so awesome that you have hobbies that you enjoy and such creative outlets are bound to help even if you can’t always enjoy doing them when you feel depressed. Have you ever spoken to a Doctor about the way you feel when you are depressed? It would be a good idea to have a chat with them to see if there is anything that they could help with. If you ever feel suicidal again please make sure you reach out to someone. This could be us or someone from your family or friends. If you are UK based The Samaritans are always there in a crisis, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and will listen without judgement. If you are US based then contact the NSPL on 1-800-273-8255 Don’t be afraid to tell the ones closest to you what is wrong, being depressed does not mean that you are never allowed to be happy and the way you feel is completely valid and your friends and family will hopefully understand that. You could also show them this and it may stop you from having to explain how to support you when you are feeling low >> https://www.ditchthelabel.org/depression-how-you-can-help/ I also think this article might help you. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-reasons-never-ashamed-mental-illness/ Thanks so much for sharing and we are here if you need us.
  18. Hi Sol! Welcome to community. That is absolutely amazing that you feel comfortable enough to discuss your gender expression to someone and even better that you already have a trusted adult in mind! The best thing to do is try to tell him exactly how you are feeling. What has lead you to feel as though you are non-binary. You could use examples of how you feel day to day to help him understand. Share with him what pronouns make you feel most comfortable. I would start by saying how you have felt this way since your childhood and you really wanted to share how you were feeling with someone that you really trusted. I hope that helps Sol, and good luck!
  19. Thanks so much for coming to community and I’m sure we can help you, I am so sorry you are feeling like this. It’s good that you think you are attractive with makeup on and I am so sure you are beautiful without it too! What is sounds like to me is maybe you are just a little unfamiliar of your face without makeup and so it makes you feel like you don’t recognise it. Would you say that you wear makeup everyday? I understand it’s so hard with the pressure to look good, especially on social media but maybe you could benefit from have a few days a week make up free just to get used to yourself in both forms. You said it first, I think the best thing you can do is to accept yourself and know that you are beautiful. Here are some articles I think will really help with building up your self esteem. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-10-tips-of-overcoming-low-self-esteem/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-ugly/ I really hope this helps you Elly.
  20. Hi Cyan, we're really sorry to hear these issues you're experiencing and are here to support you. By way of update, our mentors picked this up at 7am and we are currently working to get urgent help to you. We will be closing this thread, but have sent you an email earlier this morning - so please do keep the conversation open. If you are in immediate danger, don't delay in calling 999.
  21. Hi TheRainWing, that's some awesome advice from StopitMyles. Also, by removing gender from language can really open it up in these situations. So if you talk about things like "is there anyone you like / fancy" rather than "are there any guys you like / fancy" it gives people an opportunity to feel comfortable in being open. Good luck and I hope all goes well!
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  23. Hi Sally, these situations can be tough to navigate! Have you had a chat with your group of friends to see what their concerns are? Are they worried about the other guy's behaviour or something like that? It's definitely worth speaking to them individually (or in small groups depending on how many there are) and you'll know which people may be more understanding to have this kind of talk. Doing this in a neutral place makes it easier too to see their concerns have some basis. Let us know how you get on and we can figure something else out if this doesn't work.
  24. Hi Kitty, I'm sorry to hear this is happening and it can be understandably confusing, especially if this is different to their normal behaviour. This article should be useful https://www.ditchthelabel.org/bullied-by-a-teacher/ If you normally get on well with the teacher, you might want to think about staying back after class and having a chat with them - it could be that they have some stressful things going on in their private life and don't realise that they are being mean. It doesn't make it right, but it might help resolve the situation. Let us know how you get on!
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