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Lauren or Tom

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  1. Hey Remi, I saw the email, thanks for getting back to me so quickly about it. The things that come up with my sexuality is that maybe I'm being lazy and maybe I do sexually like people. I think most of it is probably just anxiety talking. I was bullied many years ago so this is the first time I've been bullied in a very long time. It only happened on discord. I have felt less anxious about it. I had a good cry the other day and I feel lighter. I would talk to my parents about this but they all that accepting about my sexuality. They bring it up sometimes and I just get anxious so I'd rather not talk with them. And bringing the bullying up with them is going to make it worse. Do you mind calling me Lauren again? Idk whats happening with my gender at the moment so I'm going to stick with Lauren for now.
  2. Hey Remi, I'm doing well despite what happened, how are you? Mood swings happen every now and then. It's just nice to talk about it. I have no one to talk to and it's been nagging me the past few days. I feel a little bit better that someone knows now. I guess the problem now is that I already struggle with trying to accept my sexuality and this has just made it worse. I've been bullied and my past bullying has always been nagging me, annoying me. I'd like to forget it but when I was getting bullied in the past, it was never been this bad.
  3. I was on discord the other day and these people I'm asexual/aromantic and I came across some of the most aphobic, nasty people. I have screenshots of the conversation that I had. I left the server before I thought about reporting the server/the guys who were bullying me. Would you even call this bullying? The main guy who bullying me was the owner so I couldn't report anyone. He says I'll be grateful in 10 years, I don't even know what he meant by what he was saying. He was also saying how he reckons my parents are the ones to blame etc. All the common aphobic, hateful crap. Am I able to link photos onto here? This all started because I asked about sleeping in a tent with a guy friend in a non-sexual way. I did report this a few hours after I left but apparently what the guy said doesn't violate discord's policy. Why are people like this? I can't allow my mind to drop it.
  4. Hey Blondie, I don't normally get any warning, it's normally something bad happens but then my mood just keeps getting worse. I finally cried yesterday. I had an argument with a toxic girl. It sucked but this girl is just plain nasty. You kno, she ignores me for weeks at times but maybe every now and then interacts with me when her other little minions (her friends) aren't around. Which is what happened. I got to school and the girl was standing there asking for me cause no one was in her class yet. Ok, no biggy, I'll deal with her until the bell actually goes. We walked around for a bit and we bumped into my actual friend. I wouldn't call this girl a friend. I was in the middle of telling this girl something but she was ignoring me so I tried to tell her the story again but she still wasn't paying attention. Eventually a couple of friends of the girl appeared and last bit of attention that this girl had on me left to focus on her friends. I mean I didnt really care I was a bit frustrated but I do kno that the girl does this a lot so it was no surprise. I had my friend with me. I just gave this girl the finger when her back was turned. She did turn around for a second, I didn't understand why. A few periods later, I had double maths with my friend and the girl. The girl really wanted to me to sit with her but I was nearly over the incident from the morning but I still didn't want to sit with her, I sat with my friend. I'm glad that I did. This was at the end of the day. The bell rang but I had an hour before my mum had to pick me up so I decided to print something off that I had been meaning to do for a while. I had my music and ignoring everyone but the girl also had to wait for a parent. She came over to me and said, "So you are going to just stop talking to me?" I met this girl at a different school before I left to be homeschooled. It was the same issue, just plain ignoring me. When I was going back to school a year later, I found out she was at the same school but in different classes. I was hoping that this girl had changed cause I was semi friends with her but all last year she kept making me think she had changed and was nicer. She wasn't, still nasty, ignores me for weeks but then she'd still ignore me on some days in maths together last year but other days she'd talk to me about issues and crap. I changed classes into my friend's maths class and she had a problem about that and flounced around (which is something that she does when something doesn't go her way) for ages. I finally decided to not bother with this girl. I did talk to her occasionally. Anyways, back to what happened, I was quite mad and I don't particularly remember what I said. I think said, "You've done this since St Mary's. Now you're going to flounce around to your fucking friends". She goes, "What friends?" I think I said, "How's that my issue?" She flounced off as I predicted. I finally cried. Something that I've been needing to do. More out of frustration and relief. I paced around the school until my mum came to pick me up and I told her what happened. I don't know if any of this makes sense. Thanks, Lauren
  5. Hi Blondie, I am safe but I hate letting people know of my sadness and dumping my emotions on them. From past experiences, I've learnt to hide the emotions from people and my mind just repeats the same things over and over. Almost like I'm going crazy. I drown my thoughts out with music. I think that's also where these moments come from because I have no one to talk to (except for you guys). I used to have a friend to talk to but I don't really talk to her now. And like u said these feelings come and go, I feel like this every few months. Thanks, Lauren
  6. I dont kno what's up with myself. I've been feeling so depressed lately since Sunday when there was a boy over. Im acearo and like people as a friend but this boy, and his family, who I've known since the end of last year came over to mine for dinner. I think I like him but I'm platonic (think that's how u spell it) and it's been confusing the crap out of me. I talked to my mum when they left because I struggled to look at the boy in the eyes. I said to my mum that Im confused because of my asexuality and my feelings. My mum accepts me but I dont think she understands the feelings I have. I went to bed feeling horrible. It's been a few days now and I feel like shit. I'm so sad and I don't know why. I really want to stop hanging out with my friends for some reason and I'm feeling suicidal as well and I half do and half don't want to kill myself. I keep picturing what would happen if I did. The only thing that's holding me back is my car, my Slovakian friend and my family. It's my birthday in a few days and I really don't want to feel like this on my birthday. I really don't enjoy these emotions and they appear every now and then. What I really need to do is have a good cry but there are no tears, I just feel so bloody empty and all from Sunday.
  7. Hey Remi, I'm proud of myself for leaving though it's kind of hard as my 'friend' has good days and bad days as anyone would have but these moods hurt. I told her as well why I left, she kept asking so it got to the point where I had to tell her. I didn't want to tell her as well. I told her that her moods hurt me really bad. The look on her face as I said all this. She looked really depressed and she's already had some tough times over the past few months and I feel like I've made things worse. I saw her this lunch sitting alone and she was slouched and did not look happy. Like I said, I'm glad I moved and sort of glad that I told her but I knew that my 'friend' was going to take it hard. I feel really bad about it too. Tom
  8. I moved classes because of a toxic friend and now she's asking why. When I tried to explain to her why when she asked, I couldn't get my words out even though I had it all planned out in my head. I feel so much better about the change. Tom
  9. I try to eat a full lunch but even when I try to eat something then im not hungry. I have smoothies for lunch when im at school but at home when i do eat breakfast or lunch its toast. like i said im eating sometimes if i feel like it and then i procastinate to advoid eating. i also drink coffee and love coffee but even then im too lazy to make a coffee
  10. School has this breakfast club and the foods free so natually I took advantage of that and ate but eventually I started to arrive to school late and miss out on breakfast and I wouldn't eat until lunch which is in 2 hours. My brain and stomach got used to this and even on weekends I wasn't eating and now my mum's getting worried as I'd say that I didn't kno what to eat and she'd get this idea that I'm not eating. Well, I am but not all the time. I love food and I eat both lunch and dinner but I never had time to eat breakfast at school. Now that I'm on school holidays for a couple of weeks, I'm trying to fix my eating habits. I have moments where I feel like throwing up at the thought of eating breakfast and not hungry but other moments where I can't stop eating. How do I fix this?
  11. @Marv I would've cried if I wasn't at school. I hate people seeing me cry, I think it makes me look vulnerable. Which is also why I don't want to go to my dad. I don't really go to my dad with my problems and I've fallen into the habit of saying I'm ok when I'm not. When I was in my dark stage years ago, my mum knew that I was stuck and how miserable I was at school. She removed me from school and she homeschooled me for a year. I often get flashbacks to when I was bullied and friends lying and starting rumors about me. That is the main thing that holds me back from trying to get better which leads me to bottling up my emotions. I was wondering how accurate those online depression tests are? @Blondie I'd love to go to someone to talk about my problems but since I don't have that confidence to talk to my parents for help. I've done it before but I just felt guilty after and nothing happened. I also have a couple of awesome friends but one doesn't understand about issues and then other has moods where they could be positive or negative so I adviod her with my problems even tho I have talked to her about other things like my asexuality and stuff. It's also hard to expresse myself because normally I'm all bubbly around my friends and family but on the inside I'm dying to talk to someone. I just feel stuck and going in a cycle. I also go through moments where I'm actually happy and then I fall sad. I've also felt myself lose interest in things that used make me so happy now it feels like an effot. Thanks guys, Tom
  12. Why do I feel like running away from home even tho I have no problems at home? I feel so depressed at times and helpless. I do have people to talk to I just hate piling my problems on top of people when its obvious that those people are already having shitty days. I feel like crying writing this and giving up on life but I'm so scared to go down that path again cause I've already gone down it and it sucked. I think I might have depression and I've talked to my mum about talking to someone but she thinks that I don't have depression. I feel like I've messed up friendships and I don't know how to fix them because I'm scared of people. Why am I like this? Tom
  13. ummm, the ability to shift into other animals at will. I'd probably choose either a horse or a wolf
  14. Hi Niveeda, I have experienced the same thing. I was born girl too and all the way up to puberty, I was fine with my gender as I was a kid, I never gave two shits. When I hit puberty, my mum reckons I got scared of everything. You know, periods, boobs, the lot. This was when I started to fight with my mum on what to wear and she would try to get me to wear something more formal like a dress if we were going out for dinner etc. I didn't want to wear that, I wanted to wear more masculine clothes. My mum just didn't get it but she would say different tho. My mum would complain that I never had clothes but whenever I agreed to go shopping (yay) it would turn into female clothes shopping. Even the actual shirts that were more female made me uncomfortable and depressed. If I wasn't depressed then, I was close enough. I eventually won and my clothes always now consist of a cap, a shirt and jeans. Whenever we go out formal, I wear flannel and jeans. I love jeans btw. To hind my boobs, since I don't have a binder (I'd love one), I use hoodies and layers for now but since I live in Australia and it's nearly summer, I have to get a binder soon. I cried so much during those years and a friend introduced me to the term, tomboy, and that was what I called myself but my mum didn't want me to label myself things like that. She's never been homophobic or anything but whenever I would tell her that I was a tomboy, she'd deny me and she would tell me to be myself and not label myself. Only I am trying to be myself and some people need to label themselves. My username had the word 'tomboy', I wanted my licence plate to say 'tomboy' because I knew what I was and I was proud of it. I was also at an all-girls school for high school and that really made me think that I was different from all of my peers. We had to wear dresses down to our ankles and I hated the stupid rules and excuses the school had and it was the way my mind worked was different from all of those girls. I only lasted a couple of years as I had retreated so much into myself and I was having trouble with a couple of friends. My mum knew this and after my mind finally gave up, she homeschooled me for a year and now I'm here at the school I'm at now. I love this school, my whole bloody school accepts me for being me. I had only heard of the term transgender once when I was younger but I didn't know what it meant, then at the start of this year, I was on wattpad reading a story about a trans boy born girl and he said that he would be so upset whenever his mum would force him into a dress. I related to him so much. That was when I started to research and that was how I found myself on Ditch the Label. My parents found out and like I said my parents accept the LGBT community. My dad accepts me no matter what but my mum just does not want me to label myself and told me what she's been telling me what she's said for years. BE ME. Ever since this year, I've discovered things that I never knew about myself. I'm asexual and aromantic. I think I'm non-binary and I've gotten the friends who I trust to call me, Tom, and somehow my teachers know but one of my teachers call me, Tom. Of course, I can't ask my mum to see someone because I don't know whether she accepts me and my dad, I don't really talk to my dad about my feelings because I think it makes me look vulnerable to him. My tip to you if your questioning your gender is to find someone who's gone through a similar process. At my school, I have a trans boy. He's super nice. I can bounce my ideas off him and he'd give me some tips but that only happens when I feel confident. Hope this helps, Tom
  15. Hello, you sound like u might be asexual. I've only just 'labelled' myself asexual and starting to consider whether I'm aromantic as well but before then, I really wanted to label myself something. Including my gender which is a completely different subject. I have experienced many crushes as well but I realised that they were phases but then dream about the last person I liked kissing me. And im jealous of a boy and girl being a so-called couple but I think that that's my mind and my brain fighting with each other. I have always imagined myself sexually or romantically attracted to people but i dont have that drive which is why i 'labelled' myself as asexual. I dont want to be asexual but I can't choose that either, the same way you can't choose to be gay or trans etc. You can also be panromantic or biromantic, ur romantically attracted to those genders but you aren't sexually. Another thing is that ive found it easier, when i feel confident, talking to people who have gone through the same thing that im going through now both with my asexuality and gender. Hope this helps, Tom
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