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Everything posted by Monsoon

  1. Hey Jo, I'm glad that you found the links helpful. Have you tried any of the strategies yet? There really are so many simple things you can do to help your mental health and those support guides are a great starting point. The simple strategies might help you feel better in general. As I said in my last post, your safety is our main priority, and we would hate for you to be mentally unsafe by coming out. I understand why you feel like you're living a lie and that you wouldn't feel mentally safe coming out to them. However, the impact of not being our true authentic selves can also harmful. Some parents do have a bad reaction to their child coming out which can be for many reasons such as culture, religion, upbringing, and past experiences. However, many parents do come around to the news, but they might just need some time to really process it which means that although it could be tricky at first, it can get better. Here's an article with more info about this: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-par...me-coming-out/. I completely respect and understand your feelings about coming out, and I trust that you will make the right decision for you. You do not have to come out to anyone if you don't feel ready. Are there any situations where you feel like you can be your authentic self e.g. with people who know about your sexuality? If so, you could spend more time hanging out with them as you might feel more able to be authentic around those people. Also, are there any LGBTQIA+ groups in your area that you could join? If not, we can help you to find some online. Let me know what you think of all this. If you don't find it helpful, we can come up with something else. Speak soon, - Monsoon
  2. Hey Anonymous3831. It's great to hear from you again. You've done well at figuring out why you're depressed. When we feel like we have no sense of self, this can make us wonder what our purpose is, and to be honest, this is a pretty big question which can take up a lot of our mental energy, so I guess it makes sense as to why you've been feeling down. I completely get what you mean about having to work taking time away from reaching your goals. I'm wondering, could you get a job that's related to your goal in gaming e.g. a job in the gaming industry? This might help you to feel more motivated as you would be working in an area that you're passionate about. This might help you to feel better about things in general which you're looking for atm. I'm interested in how your depression is triggered when things don't go your own way. Why do you think that is? Understanding this might be the key to moving forward with your mental health. Also, I think that because nothing is popping into your mind when you think about what you like, maybe you could try to experience new things. I guess you don't know what you like if you've never tried it! With new experiences come new hobbies and interests, and it sounds like this is exactly what you might need right now. I think that trying to work on what I've suggested might help you to feel a stronger sense of self. It's important to remember that these suggestions aren't really a short-term fix, but more of things to work on over time in order to help you feel better. Let me know what you think of all of this. Speak soon -Monsoon
  3. Hey Jo. Welcome to our community. We are here to help you through this - you are not alone I'm sorry to hear about all of this. It sounds like you've really been struggling with it. Your feelings are completely understandable. When we can't be our authentic selves, this can affect our mental health and increase anxiety and depression. It sounds like your environment at home is quite tough and high pressure and I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Do you feel like it's safe to come out to your family? We would only suggest that you go through with it if there's no chance of you being put in any danger e.g. being kicked out. If there is, would it be better for you to wait until you're old enough to support yourself? We care about your safety and want to make sure that you're not put in any kind of danger. Also, do you feel ready to come out? There really is no rush to do it if you don't feel ready. Coming out is your journey and you get to call the shots on this. With your mental health, it sounds like you could really do with a boost at the moment. What things have you done in the past to help your mental health? Here are some support guides that you might find useful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/improve-mental-health/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/9-prac...mental-health/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-min...-to-your-life/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/101-ul...reduce-stress/ Btw, for now, could you keep your creative side flowing through hobbies? This could improve your mental health too and give you a sense of control over things Let me know what you think of all this. If you don't find it useful, we can figure something else out. Chin up, Jo. You're doing really well. Speak soon. -Monsoon
  4. Hey Mammu. It's great to hear from you again . Your presentation sounds like it will be really interesting - good luck with it. I hope our trans members are able to share their experiences with you. I'm sorry to hear that your mental health isn't great at the moment. Would you like to talk about this? - Monsoon
  5. Hey there. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here to help you I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through this recently - I can tell from your post that you've been struggling with these thoughts about your face. I think that experiencing someone telling you that your face is 'below average' is enough to knock anyone's confidence, so I completely get why you're feeling low about it at the moment. The thing is, no matter how often people compliment our looks, if you don't believe it yourself, then you'll never think the same way as them. It would be better for you to get to a place where you do feel your face is attractive as relying on other people and face rating apps will not help you with your confidence. Also, everyone has different ideas about what they find attractive or not which is important to keep in mind. I have a tip for you: - Think of five things you like about yourself - this could be absolutely anything such as your looks, your personality, or your talents, etc. Write them down too. The next time you start to have negative thoughts about yourself, replace the thoughts with these things you like about yourself. If you keep doing this over time, you will likely start to think about yourself more positively. This kind of thing does take time and you really need to stick at it, but it can be really helpful Btw, I think you could do with having a read of some of our support guides as you might find them helpful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/5-ways-boost-self-esteem/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/overcoming-low-self-esteem/ Let me know what you think of all this. If you don't find it useful, we can come up with something else. Speak soon, - Monsoon
  6. Hey there. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here to help you figure this out. It's great that you're reaching out to others for advice. From what you've said so far, it does sound like your mind is exploring both options at the moment. Sexuality is fluid and can change as time goes on, so you might be coming to a point where you realise that you like both. You could help understand yourself more by exploring and talking about it when you're ready. As you said, you don't know how you'd react if a woman was flirting with you, and the only way to find out is to explore it, I guess! Maybe you could sign up to a dating app and see how it goes with talking to women? Let me know what you think. - Monsoon
  7. Hey there. Welcome to our support community; we are here to help you through this. It sounds like you've been really struggling with this and I'm sorry to hear that. I can see from your post that you're being really hard on yourself. It's important to remember that your feelings are valid, and they deserve to be respected. You are not the problem here - please believe that. You have worth and the way you are being treated is not because there's a problem with you. I think that you really need to speak with this guy about how you're feeling at the moment. I know you've said that it hasn't gone well in the past, but he might not realise he's doing this, and things could change for the better afterwards. They key to speaking about this kind of thing is to always remain calm, respect their feelings, but explain how things need to change in order for the friendship to stay healthy. It might be worth telling him that you do value the friendship (if that's the case) and want to make it work just so he knows that you care and want to fix it. What do you think? If you can, have this conversation in a neutral space e.g. a park. If you do it in their home or yours, this can make people more defensive. Here's a support guide with more tips on how to speak to people about this kind of thing: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/speak-...ct-resolution/ Also, I think that you could do with a boost to your self-esteem. You seem to be really down on yourself at the moment which is completely understandable when you're being treated like this. However, I'd like you to have a think about three or four things you like about yourself. This can be anything from your personality, looks, or talents... The next time you have negative thoughts about yourself, you could try thinking about these positive things. If you keep doing this over time, you can shift the way you think about yourself from negative to positive. Here are some support guides which you might find helpful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/overcoming-low-self-esteem/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/5-ways-boost-self-esteem/ Let me know what you think of this. If you don't find it helpful, we can figure out something else. Speak soon -Monsoon
  8. Hey Ashly. Welcome to our support community - we love your new name! How are things going for you? You can post about any issues you have here and our digital support mentors and other community members will be able to help you out
  9. Hey Charlotte. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here for you I'm really sorry to hear that you're on a break atm and that your mum didn't react well. When people come out to their parents, they can often have a bad reaction which can happen for many reasons. Here's a support guide to help with this: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/. We often find that in these situations, the parent comes round eventually. This means that you might just have to be patient with her and I know this is hard, but it can just take time for some people to process this news. It might be worth speaking to her about how hurt you are by this and that it's not a phase. This will probably help your mum to realise that you're being serious. Also, I can see from your post that you're down about the break which is completely understandable. My hunch is that if it's been going well in lockdown, then you'll probably feel the same when you see each other in person again. However, it seems like she really needs space right now and as hard as this might be to respect, you just have to ride it out and see what happens. Let me know what you think of this. We hope to hear back from you soon. Chin up - you'll get through this. - Monsoon
  10. @Porcupine Hey. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here to help you with this I think that what you're currently feeling is totally understandable. A lot of people seem to be in a bit of a slump at the moment with lockdown, and being in your final year of uni is enough to make anyone feel on edge about things. It's completely normal to feel stuck and stagnant once you've finished. There's so much pressure on people to go onto something big and great after uni, but the reality is, most people have to start small. The majority of people can't walk straight into their dream job after uni; it takes time to get the right experience. Do you know what you want to do career wise? Maybe you could start making a little plan as to how you're going to get to where you want to be. This might help you to feel better. In general, I think you should try to take some pressure off yourself. It seems like you're worrying about lots of things at the moment e.g. long term plans, social life, and love life. Maybe you could focus on just one of these things for now so that you don't feel so overwhelmed? Also, why don't you make yourself a daily schedule where you have a certain period each day to be 'productive'? This might help you to feel more at ease. Finally, I'm wondering, if you've felt this way before, what has helped you to feel more positive? Everyone is the expert in their own lives and this means that you often know exactly what you need to make things better. Let me know what you think of all this... Speak soon!
  11. @Bell - Hey. Thanks for getting back to us . Yeah, it can be hard keeping calm when you've got a lot of anger towards someone, but the chat will really help. If someone can mediate it for you, then they could make sure that you both have time to speak without being interrupted. Try to take deep breaths before responding and if it helps, imagine your mum dressed as something ridiculous if you feel yourself getting angry! Let us know how it goes - we are always here to help.
  12. Hi Nischala. Thanks for reaching out to us - we are here to support you through this. It sounds like you've been having a tough time recently and I'm sorry to hear that you've been experiencing depression. Can I ask, what makes you think you're bipolar? It sounds like you would benefit from having a chat with your doctor and sharing your concerns with them. It's important to catch these difficulties as early as possible. We can give you advice on how to improve your mental health if you like? I'm interested to know what things you are doing at the moment to help your mental health. Let me know! It might be that focusing on these things more right now will make things easier for you. Also, I'm wondering, do you want to make friends? If so, we could give you advice for that. It's useful to have a good support network around you, especially when you're going through a difficult time as you are. Hang in there, Nischala. You're taking the right steps to making things better for you - keep going -Monsoon
  13. Hello again I think it's a really good of you to go through school even though you feel like it isn't for you. That shows that you're able to really put up with things and you can see ahead as to why it's important. The YouTube idea sounds really great. It's so important to do something that you enjoy. If you want to do it and you're serious about it, then that's all that matters. With your parents, maybe you could write them a letter about how you're feeling? People who don't feel confident enough to do this face-to-face find a letter easier. Keep in touch and let us know how it all goes! -Monsoon
  14. Hey 'Sweetie' Yeah, have a go at what i've said - it might take a while to work, but it does help a lot of people. Let me know how it goes. - Monsoon
  15. Hey 'Sweetie'. It's great to hear from you again I’m sorry to hear about how you’re feeling at the moment; it must be hard for you right now. I can imagine that you feel quite pressured into doing well, and I think it's easy to see why you feel demotivated by the way they react to you putting all your effort in and when they compare you to others. The thing is, motivation is quite sensitive. If we are being pressured into doing something and we feel like we aren't being genuinely praised for our rewards, this can make us feel like we don't want to carry on with it. Also, if the focus is on the negatives and not the positives, this can also make us feel less motivated. I think an important thing to keep in mind is that your parents are putting the pressure on because they want the best for you, however, it sounds like they could be more sensitive about it. If it continues to happen, it might help to just remember this and keep the focus on that they just want you to succeed. However, I think that one of the best things to do here would be to talk to them about how you feel as it might continue to wear you down by trying to remember that they just want the best for you. They probably don't know how you feel when they treat you like this, and I guess it will carry on if they aren't told. This might feel uncomfortable for you, but it really could help the situation. Let me know what you think of these suggestions. If they aren't helpful, we can definitely come up with something else. Speak soon, Monsoon
  16. Hey! Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here to help you through this. I'm sorry to hear that you've been doubting how good your body is. A lot of people have issues with the way they feel about their body, so just know that this is a normal thing to experience. Try not to feel bad for talking about this. Just because some people get bullied for it doesn't mean your feelings aren’t important; they are valid and we respect them. I wonder, do you think it would be a good idea to try and change the way you feel about your body? As you've said, you have been exercising and you're still not satisfied. It might actually be that you end up getting stuck in a negative cycle where more exercise with a focus on changing your body = more dissatisfaction. We think it might be more helpful to tweak the way you feel about your body. This isn't saying that exercise is bad - everyone should exercise with a focus on health and we encourage everyone to do this. However, I think that it would be more helpful for you to change the way you look at things and focus on health rather than a certain body image through exercise, do you get what I mean? Instead, could you think of three things you like about your body? If not, try thinking of one or two things. The next time you start thinking negatively about your body, you can focus on these positive things (try writing them down). If you keep doing this over time, you can train your brain to think about the positives rather than the negatives. This requires patience as you have to keep doing it to see the benefit. Also, here are some support guides you might find useful to help build your self-esteem: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/overco...w-self-esteem/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/5-ways-boost-self-esteem/ Why don't you take some time to think about what I've said and then let me know? If you feel like this won't work, we can figure something else out Speak soon! -Monsoon
  17. Hey Anahita. Thanks for reaching out to us; this is something that we can deffo help you with . I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with this recently. Lockdown is tricky for everyone and many people are finding themselves overanalysing things and really winding themselves up, so it's pretty standard for people at the moment. It’s completely normal for something like this to drive you insane which can then affect your eating and sleeping habits. I think that your situation is interesting. As you said, you haven't had this feeling until now since you've watched films/read books with bisexual themes. It really could be that you're just over-analysing at the moment. However, there would be no harm in exploring this a little as it might help you to feel less stressed. Could you join a dating app and chat with women specifically? This might give you more of an idea. At this point, I really think that you should try to take some of the pressure off yourself. It seems like you're really tormenting yourself and this isn't helping you at all. Could you do anything to relieve your stress? Here are some support guides you might find helpful for this: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/101-ul...reduce-stress/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-thi...ring-lockdown/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/how-to-meditate/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-min...-to-your-life/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/improve-mental-health/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/25-way...ice-self-care/ Also, one last thing. When it comes to discovering our sexuality and understanding ourselves, this can take time. It's a process that we have to trust and be patient with. I imagine that you want all the answers now, but thinking in this way is probably just gonna stress you out even more. This will get better for you as time goes on, but you need just time . Let me know what you think about what I've said. Hope to hear from you soon! - Monsoon ​​​​​​​
  18. Hey Skye. Thanks for coming to us for support; we are here to help you through this . It's great that you've realised your sexuality. Can I ask, do you feel ready to tell your mum? I just want to say that there is no rush to do this. There's no pressure to come out if you don't feel ready, but I just wanted to see how you feel. If you do feel ready, here's a support guide which you might find helpful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-11-tips-for-coming-out-as-lesbian-gay-or-bi/ When actually coming out, a lot of people find it useful to write a letter.People can find coming out quite scary, and by writing a letter, this takes away the pressure and fear of doing it face-to-face. Once the letter had been read, you can then go and talk to them about it. What do you think? - Monsoon
  19. Hey Adlai. Thanks for reaching out to us for support. We can help you with this Hmmm... so, judging by the online tests, it definitely sounds like you fit the ADHD profile. I guess my question is, do you think a label would help you? I'm wondering if you feel like you need to take it further at this point? Sometimes, people who are diagnosed with ADHD have something else going on which looks like ADHD, but it actually isn't. For example, people who struggle with anxiety can have difficulties focusing. Also, people who aren't that interested in what they're doing can have a hard time focusing too. Do you think there could be a reason for your attention difficulties? Why don't you describe the things you struggle with and then we can come up with ways to help you together? Speak soon, -Monsoon
  20. Hello again I'm glad to hear that you don't have to financially rely on your parents much at the moment. That's a start in building your independence as you'll be managing your own money. Before you graduate, you could start looking for a job to go straight into. Once you know how much you'll be earning, you can then budget and figure out how much you have to spend on rent, food, and leisure, etc. If you aren't already budgeting, you could start now by setting yourself a certain amount to spend each week. If you don't already have a job, you could get one so you can start saving for the end of college. Also, some people find it useful to get a 'safety credit card' just incase there are any big expenses that you have to cover. Btw, do you know how to cook? If not, start experimenting with some recipes! What else do you think you need to do? This is an exciting time!
  21. Hey there. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here to help you with this. I can't imagine how this must have been for you. To see your parents struggling so much to accept who you are must have had a big affect on you and I can see that through how you were skipping class, staying in your room, and eating junk food. How are your parents dealing with it now? I'm sorry to hear that you've been put back into the closet. It must have taken a lot of courage to step out in the first place, and we want to help you with this. I think that one of the first things you can do is to start talking, which you are already doing. We know that it's hard to talk about the things that have upset us, but this really opens up our gates so that we can start to move forward. Would you be able to go back to your therapist? This will be hard, but it will get easier for you and they will be able to guide you through the process. I'm wondering, what do you think you need to do next? We need to find a way to help you in expressing yourself, and I think that you need to speak to your parents about how things have been recently. You need them to accept you and appreciate you and they need to hear this directly from you. It could be that they aren't aware of how they're treating you and how this makes you feel, so they might not stop unless you tell them. We have a support guide here for people whose parents emotionally bully them - https://www.ditchthelabel.org/parent...ally-bully-me/ I'm really glad to hear that journalling has helped with your mental health. Here are a few articles that have loads of tips in for mental health. They might seem like really small and obvious things together, but they really do work: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/struggling-atm-heres-how-to-deal-with-your-emotions-during-the-coronavirus-crisis/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/25-ways-practice-self-care/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/improve-mental-health/ Let me know what you think of all of this. I hope to hear back from you soon. Hang in there - you're doing really well - Monsoon
  22. Hey Bill, Welcome to our online support community. I'm one of the digital support mentors here and i'm here to give you support if you need it. How's it going for you?
  23. Hey there. Thanks for reaching out to us for support. We are here to help you through this I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling this way about getting a job. The thought of working for 45+ years can be scary for many and quite off-putting and I don't think you're alone in feeling negative about it. Can I ask, do you have plans to take your own life at the moment? I’m concerned after you saying you feel like taking your own life sometimes. If this is the case, please know that this will get better and we are here to help you. Here is some information just in case you need it: We support Monday - Friday, 9am - 5.30pm (BST) via our community https://www.ditchthelabel.org/community/and there are more options below: UK: The Samaritans - 116 123 (This is a 24/7 service) USA: NSPL - 1-800-273-8255 (This is a 24/7 service) This link will give you a list of all crisis lines worldwide: https://www.befrienders.org You can also call your doctor or go to any emergency department and ask for help. From what you've said, it sounds like you're okay at the moment, but I just want to be cautious and make sure you have the info if you need it. With starting work, I think that once you do get into it, you'll probably start to feel better. It sounds like you some anxiety about work, is that fair to say? A lot of the time, people can make things worse in their minds than they actually are, and it just takes having that experience to realise it's not so bad. Why do you think you feel this way about getting a job and what do you think you could do to help yourself? ​​​​​​​Also, can I ask,what is your goal? You might be able to get a job to help with the goal. Let me know what you think! - Monsoon
  24. Hey Mcoco. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here for you I think that you deffo have a point on how being raised in a family with homophobic tendencies has left you feeling shamed about liking girls. If we grow up being told that LGBTQIA+ is wrong, then it's completely understandable to feel ashamed if you then realise you're LGBTQIA+. What do you think is stopping you from fully expressing your sexuality? Why does it scare you? A lot of people do feel this way about being authentic, especially having grown up in such a conservative environment, but I think it would be good to find out exactly what's holding you back as you can then overcome it. You could be right in thinking that you've stopped yourself from fully exploring your sexuality, but this is now your time to really figure out who you are. I think the only way to fully understand yourself is to explore your ways of thinking and experience different things. Btw, just know that it's perfectly normal to worry about what others might think about your sexuality before you come out. It could be that some people in your life don't react well, but as time goes on, people often come round to the news. Also, the fact that your little sister has come out and most people reacted well tells me that it will probs be okay for you. Here is our support guide which helps to explain that process: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/ What do you think of this? It's great that you're asking yourself these questions as it shows you really want to understand yourself fully. We hope to hear back from you soon. Take care! - Monsoon
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