ive struggled with my self-esteem for as long as I can remember. I think I have Body Dysmorphic disorder but it’s how I view my face which bothers me more than how my body looks. I feel like I sound so narcissistic when I put my thoughts into words but these feelings of being ugly and never good enough for anyone really makes me feel worthless. I have this image of myself where I’m confident and out making good memories with lots of friends etc but that’s just not the reality and in my mind I’ve pinned that on me not looking attractive enough (I’m a girl by the way). The fact I’m not living my life how i really want to us making me depressed because of this.
Also, perhaps wrongly, I associate not getting comments from guys on nights out, messages from guys or anything like that on me just probably not being attractive and it just becomes an affirmation to my self-loathing thoughts. Ive had times in my life where I’ve loved who I was and how I look but now I find myself constantly comparing myself to others and asking myself what I’m doing wrong and it’s exhausting.
I’m also now afraid that my low-self esteem is rubbing off through my personality, and that will negatively contribute to the relationships I make. This is affirmed to me by the fact I’m 20 and have never been in a relationship and have hardly had anything with a guy. Also, I find people who I’d say are my friends arnt really- were just in the same friendship group like They wouldn’t hang-out with me 1-1. No one shows interest in me and it makes me feel like I’m just not nice to be around sometimes.
im aware I sound so pathetic in this post- and I’d hate for anyone to say they relate to these horrible feelings, but if anyone unfortunately does I would love to know if there are ways to feel better?