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Cherophobic

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Cherophobic last won the day on July 12

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  1. Im not sure, but i think its mostly my family.
  2. Hi Blondie, Thankyou for asking but I'm safe right now. Things just seem to get worse everyday and im scared one day i might give in and actually try to take my own life.
  3. TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE Hi whoever reads this, This talks about suicide a bit so if you get triggered by it , please dont read this. I've been feeling very depressed and passively suicidal for quite some time now, but i dont know how i could get help. I feel so lost and confused and I dont really see living as worthwhile anymore. It seems so tiresome and useless. I can't talk to anyone, because im so distant from everyone, including my own family. Every single day, i'm overwhelmed with thoughts of killing and hurting myself. I hate myself and wish i had never existed at all. I cause trouble for my parents and make them worry and fight with each other. It also hurts because they dont care. They just want me to study 24/7. I can't concentrate with anything anymore and i feel like i will mess my grades up. They hate me and are so disgusted with me for being so weak and self harming. I can't escape from all the things ive done in life nor in death. The only thing that keeps me alive these days is the fact that if i died this way, id be a sinner and dissapoint my parents. I'm pretty sure barely any of my friends care about me anymore. I know I'm so lucky to even have parents and friends and i know this looks ungrateful. I probabaly am being ungrateful. I dont want to live like this. I dont want to hate every moment i am still breathing. I don't to feel like a mistake. I dont want to live a life that my parents put out for me. I don't want to cry every day. I don't want to feel so lost and alone. I don't want to feel so overwhelmed. I dont want to feel like im drowning every second of the day. I dont want to be me. And the worst thing is im afraid to get help, I've never been diagsed with anything and it confuses me a lot. People have told me so many times to get help, but i just cant and i dont see a way for me to get help, because im too cowardly. i'm dont have control over anything in my life and its so suffocating it hurts and i want to scream. Im sorry if this is confusing, I just wanted to vent and i omitted a lot of stuff out so its a bit ... Sorry for wasting your time.
  4. Cherophobic

    Hi

    Hi, I'm not really good at introductions (or anything in particular) so im sorry if you are reading this mess. I'm new here ; I joined today. I like art, calligraphy and watercolour and acrylic painting. I'm a kpop fan. I can be somewhat pessimsitic at times and sorta depressing. I'm socially awkward and have zero social intelligence. i would love to be your friend?
  5. Some of the things you listed above relate to me too, but because i grew up thinking it was normal, i got mad at myself and felt guilty for being mad at them for it. I felt ungrateful and hated myself , like at least i wasn't severely abused. It's gets confusing sometimes and very.. I dont know. Does this make sense? im writing this very haphazardly sorry.
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