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  1. Thank you everyone for all the questions! Really enjoyed answering them! Have a wonderful weekend M xx
    5 points
  2. My first book 'Am I Ugly?' was a memoir and I never intended to publish, it. It was me writing to just get it off my chest and have somewhere to keep all my memories about what had happened to me in the first 20 years of life through all my surgeries. When I finished it, it was only then I got the urge to publish it and the motivation behind that was the fact that I wish I had a book that had spoken about childhood illness without the "brave" or "inspirational" lense but was more realistic. "The Joy of Being Selfish" is all about boundaries and it had become my favourite topic over the years and what I loved speaking and writing about the most and the motivation to write that book was that I found so many people using the term boundaries wrong and I believed there needed to be an educational resource to teach people how to actually set boundaries
    5 points
  3. Hey there! How I started gaining confidence in my body was actually to stop caring about my appearance anymore and to stop thinking about it at all. I stopped vocalising the negative thoughts about my body and because I stopped saying it aloud, the amount of time and energy I spent on those thoughts decreased. When you spend less time and energy thinking about your body, you also spend less time criticising it and as a result, I used that extra time and energy I had in my life to create a life I loved and realised I was so much more than a body or what I looked like. If you want to know my full body confidence journey, you can watch my TedX talk here:
    5 points
  4. Hey there! I believe boundaries are no different with parents than anyone else. Family do not get to treat you differently just because they are family so I would set my boundaries the same way and if they respond negatively, I would reinforce the boundary in the same way I would with anyone else. With families, it might require a number of reinforcements for parents to accept that your dynamic has changed but perservere. You can set simple consequences like if they walk into your room without knocking a lot, a consequence would be telling them "I have asked you to knock when you enter my room, if you aren't able to do that, I'm going to lock my door next time I need privacy". M xx
    5 points
  5. Hey there, it sounds like you prioritised their perception of you over your needs. You cared more about what they thought of you than honouring your own feelings and as a result you were not honest with your friend. You feel angry because you have not honoured those needs and not communicated them. You are projecting that on to your friend when you are actually feeling it towards yourself. What you need to do is to be honest with your friend, you are right that you cannot dictate who she is messaging or who she is friends with but you can still communicate with her that it upsets you and allow her to make a decision based on the information you have told her. Start the conversation owning up to the fact that you should have spoken up, it can be as simple as saying "Hey! I wanted to speak to you about something. You know you've been asking me what is the matter and I have said nothing. I wasn't being honest and I didn't know how to tell this to you but it does actually upset me when you talk to my ex. I'm really sorry I didn't say this earlier and let this affect our friendship but I wanted to tell you how I was feeling, no matter what decision you make". Then I would sit with your feelings, why is it an issue that she is friends with him? What does it mean? What are you telling yourself about it? For example, if you are telling yourself that he is more interested in her, then that's the problem, not the fact they were talking. You have created a meaning that doesn't match the behaviour and therefore you need to adjust the meaning. What else could it mean? It could mean they just want to be friends and enjoy each other's company. You've got this and it might be a hard conversation to have but it's better you vocalise it than keep it inside, M xx
    5 points
  6. Hey I came on here honestly just to make friends and talk with people like me . I found this platform because I’m low key bi-curious and apparently people use it to discuss sexuality so if anyone wants a chat about that , or anything really , then I’m up for it
    4 points
  7. You are learning something new so it will be uncomfortable at first but as you do it more and more, it will become easier. My advice is to start with people you don't know so get confident with actually saying no when a waiter asks if you are happy with your food and you are not, or when a hairdresser asks if you are happy with your haircut and you want to say no, that's the easiest place to start. The first boundary to test your skills with is the word 'no', it is the simplest boundary there is. Another tip I would say is that if you cant' set the boundary in the moment, that's OK, there is no time limit, step away from the conversation for a while and come back to it when you feel ready. In terms of fear of confrontation, realise that confrontations get worse by not saying how you actually feel. A lot of people bury how they actually feel until they explode and thats' when it becomes harder to handle confrontation. Instead of confrontation, see it as simply communication, and people will good communication prefer honesty. M xx
    4 points
  8. You can't control his reaction and there is no way you can say it that will guarantee he won't get upset because he is allowed his response, his reaction and whatever emotions arise for him. The longer you wait, the harder this is going to get. It won't get easier so you need to have the hard conversation now. Be as kind and as caring as possible, provide him as much detail that is necessary for him to have closure but do not include any details that are unnecessarily hurtful. It's OK to be scared about these things but don't let the fear stop you from having the conversation.
    4 points
  9. You don't get over it as much as you get through it and you get through it by sitting in your feelings and letting it hurt. It's painful and excruciating to feel your sadness and your hurt and the pain you have in your body but as you said, it consumes you anyway so you either heal it by sitting in it or you spend your whole life avoiding it and it affecting your life. You can find meditations online to start this process or you might just find it easier to pick a song that helps you feel feelings and do a scan of your body. Where can you feel the sadness? Place your attention on that sadness and when you do this, it is normal for this to hurt more, breathe through it, make any sounds that you need to or shake it off if you feel the urge to shake and keep focusing in on that point. You might find that physical sensation moves around the body, follow it around the body until the pain lessens. The first day you might only tolerate one song length and by the end of the week if you make time for it everyday you might be able to sit with it for 5 minutes. This is the pain that needs your attention and presence and needs to not be ignored M xx
    4 points
  10. Be honest with him. I personally don't stay friends with any exes, it doesn't work for me and it really doesn't matter why it doesn't work for me, it just doesn't and I honour my feelings and my needs and am clear with my partners about that. How I would start this conversation is simply saying "Hey! I enjoyed being in a relationship with you but this friendship thing is not working for me anymore. I need space and a clear break and no communication is what I need right now. I hope you understand, take care and wish you all the best with everything". Then delete his number and move on with your life and create space for someone new to enter. If you want a new friend, you can make a new friend, but transitioning from a relationship to friendship when you still have feelings for him is just going to feel like settling. M xx
    4 points
  11. The first time you wear shorts or a swimming costume, you will care. And then the next time it will get a little easier! Remember that people are not noticing your stretch marks as much as you are noticing them. You are the person most conscious of your appearance and instead of focusing on your stretch marks, put the shorts on and then focus on your day, go about your day like normal and you might find yourself after a week of wearing them, actually forgetting about your thighs for a whole day. If you let a piece of clothing have control over you, it will. The way you change that is doing the thing that scares you and realising the worst thing that you think is going to happen, won't happen and if anyone does make a comment or is judgemental, they are just showing you who they are and it's better you knew that's the kind of person they are like now better than later! M xx
    4 points
  12. I know it can be hard to set boundaries with people who are older, especially if they have grown up with the "respect your elders" mentality but I believe respect is earned and just because they are family doesn't meant they are owed a place in your life. You do not. have to accept worse treatment just because 'that's the way they have always been' and whilst we might not be able to change their behaviour, we can limit their impact on us. M xx
    4 points
  13. Hey there! It is a very odd experience being in the public eye in positive and negative ways. In positive ways, it's weird to me that anyone would care what I think on a matter, let alone care about my opinion so much that they would write me or message me online. On the more negative side, the criticism is also strange to me because at the end of the day, people don't know me. What I love most about my job though is that I am able to explore all my interests creatively and that I am helping people in a way that maximises my strengths. M xx
    4 points
  14. Thank you so much! Simply put, boundaries are about how we are treated, what is and isn't acceptable. It's how we teach the world to treat us and it's the line between who we are and who the world wants us to be. M xx
    4 points
  15. Hey! Motivation is created by finding your 'why', remind yourself 'why' you are doing this so if this is completing a job, your 'why' could be being paid. The other side to people procastinating is that there is an underlying fear that isn't being addressed so a lot of the time people procrastinate completing a piece of work because when it is finished, it means it will be graded and that fear of judgement is what stops you from wanting to complete the piece of work. How you stop this is by staying in the moment and focusing on what you are doing right in front of you, reassuring yourself that you can handle whatever happens and that you are safe. In terms of the constant pressure, separate your life into 100% work or 100% play, do not do a middle ground of working while going on social media or relaxing but worrying about work. Allowing yourself real rest time and real play time means you will be even more productive when you decide to work. M xx
    4 points
  16. Hey there! When you admit to liking someone, you definitely take a risk that it could affect the friendship either temporarily or long term or create some awkwardness. There is no way to guarantee no awkwardness will happen so you need to weigh up in your mind, is it worth the risk? What will you lose if it is awkward and what will you gain if it works out? For me, I always think a little bit of awkwardness is worth it. I know you said you are worried about her saying no but on the flip side, the worst thing she can say is no! Feel the fear and do it anyway. If she says she isn't interested, then accept it graciously and casually with a "no worries, I had to shoot my shot but thanks for being honest with me". Some feelings of rejection may arise for you and you will need to process that but if you act normal, what you will find is they will reciprocate and at the least you know the awkwardness is not coming from you. Good luck! M xx
    4 points
  17. oh yeah lol. omnisexuality is best explained by this chart polyamorous is being in multiple relationships at once, no it is not cheating fluidflux is being both genderfluid and genderflux demiseuxal is only being attracted to people you have an emotional attachment to.
    4 points
  18. Good morning to you all, I just wanted to pop on here and say hey and introduce myself. So hey, I am Daisie! I am your Community Warden here on the Ditch the Label forums, I will be making sure that here remains a lovely safe place for you all. Any concerns regarding posted content then let me know, I won’t be able to give out any advice as we already have such lovely mentors who are always on hand to do so, but I can review potentially upsetting or disruptive content. I am really looking forward to being a part of the community so if you see me around, don’t be shy and feel free to say hello! See you around
    3 points
  19. Thank you so much Michelle - such a lot to take away from your advice. Have a great weekend
    3 points
  20. Hi! Stormy_Skies has answered your question at the end pretty well, you can label yourself using the word that you feel defines you the most and, then, change it in case you find yourself being something else. Either way, the one who is going to know you the most is yourself and, hey, you are still young! You can't have all the answers but you DO have the control in your life and who you are. Just keep on learning about you and the answer will come to you easily. Don't think of what could be the "right" answer. To this day I haven't labeled myself and I'm fine, I just do whatever makes me feel good. If I feel atracted to someone my gender - and it's reciprocated, of course - I just go for it without much thought. I just know I'm part of the LGBTQ+ and that's good enough for me xD
    3 points
  21. Yesssss it is I Also- Rainbow flag reaction
    3 points
  22. I struggle with lack of motivation. How do I find a balance of asking for help but not wanting them to put constant pressure on me?
    3 points
  23. 3 points
  24. Howdy! You asked for an escape button and today we're delivering it! By default, it will show in the bottom right of your screen and when pressed will direct you to the Google homepage. You can also press the ESC key on your keyboard to instantly leave the website. We know how important your privacy is to you and hope you'll enjoy this new feature. You can change the location of the escape button on your screen, along with the website you're taken to in Account Settings. Massive thanks to developer Dave who pulled this together in such a quick timeframe! - Harper
    2 points
  25. It went amazing my mom was really calm and happy and we told my dad then as well and he was the same way we all even laughed at how nervous I was
    2 points
  26. So I haven’t posted any new artwork in a while or any Thing Really that’s not an update on my sword but any way I just finished this it has been three days in the making and five or six hours of work to complete and all of which I did with a burn on my right index finger ( the finger I use to blend and control the pressure and angle of my pencil ) if my coloring looks a little off it’s because I am still learning how to use my new professional colored pencils instead of Crayola. I hope you like it
    2 points
  27. 2 points
  28. hi @elinimigo, i'm a member of this community and i just read you're heartbreaking story. you sound like the best kid a mother could ask for. i can only imagine how difficult it must be to see you're mom break down a little more each day and feel like you can't do anything about it. i'm not a mentor or therapist so i can't do more than be a listening ear for you. however from what i've read it seems like you are doing way more than you think. i am very sorry for the loss of your grandmother that must be devastating for you aswell as your mother. i'm wondering, you said that your father has enough help at the office and that your mom could really use a break from the office. is there anyway that can be arranged? it sounds like you are under a lot of stress to , don't forget to give yourself some attention. besides listening it might be very helpful to tell her how proud you are of her and give her a big hug, (if you are not doing that already).
    2 points
  29. Hey, That's okay. It's completely normal to feel anxious, and it's good to know what we can do to help calm ourselves down. I'm wondering, have you seen our support guides here? You could take a look and choose some things to try over the next week for your anxiety: 101 Ultimate Ways to Chill Out and Reduce Stress 9 Practical Things You Can Do to Keep Track of Your Mental Health How to Meditate in 10 Steps 7 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Mental Health A Guide to Overcoming Stress – Stress Reprogramming
    2 points
  30. @lucysswag maybe ask if she wants to go out for the day and do something fun, like go to the beach or the cinema - might take both your minds off whatever is going on and help you to repair your friendship again
    2 points
  31. okay, preface, if you have de*th triggers, stay away, also it’s Fourth of July, we just got out of a drought and people are setting off fireworks anyway, and since when did I hate the sound of fireworks? That’s going to be a problem at Diwali. Anyway, this is a pretty unplanned story idea, so please bear with me, I’m figuring it out as I go. I took some inspiration from varied books I read. A bit from The Immortal Rules, a bit of how the city looks and feels from Cinder, and a bit’s just my specific brand of fantasy, so yeah. Elyris was dreaming in warp speed. Images flashed by her eyes, she couldn’t make out any of them. This seemed to continue for forever, she started to panic. There was an endless loop of feedback, she needed to get out. It started to overwhelm her, piece by piece. Just as she couldn’t take it anymore, she woke up. Elyris groaned as she sat up, and rubbed her forehead. As she ran her hands through her short lopsided cut, she felt her hands brush against something cold and hard. And she remembered. She remembered a demon pulling her aside on the street. She remembered fearing for her life, being ready to fight him, though she knew it would have been futile. But to her surprise, the demon didn’t try to reap her, he told her that she had demon blood in her, and was eligible to become one of them. She remembered stumbling back, refusing him, when he had grabbed her collar and said that she would either become a demon or be reaped at his hands. And she had chosen to become a killer. She remembered the demon taking her through a portal, shoving her into a pool. She remembered breathing in the water, and her vision slowly going black. Then she remembered being hauled out of the water, and waking up with the small beginnings of horns. The demon who had recruited her had told Elyris that as a demon, her features were unique. She had never noticed the fact that the demons, and angels for that matter, that she had seen on the streets had never really looked the same. He had also told her about why the demons and the angels killed. Though of course, he refused to say it as it was, and called it reaping. He said that as demons, they- no, we, Elyris reminded herself- reaped in order to keep the population down, and as the curators, the ones to cull the population, as well as to cause chaos as was their nature. Angels killed to keep their power and immortality, and of course to fight demons. she was a demon now. The sooner she accepted it, the better off she’d be. I don’t have to like it she told herself. But she did have to accept it. “Hell, I’m in for it now, amen’t I.”
    2 points
  32. oh yeah, I've just cycled through labels, you don't have to be sure, and no one will blame your for changing them.
    2 points
  33. Babes!!! seriously go back to that mirror and you tell yourself that you are a beautiful person inside and out
    2 points
  34. Hey foggy! I am free to talk! I am bi and came here to help others so i might be able to answer some of your questions!
    2 points
  35. Yh thank you so much @Stormy_Skies that really helped me to understand. I’m so glad you’re proud of who you are , keep being you also , do you have any advice on exploring sexuality . Because I think I’m bisexual like I said but I’m not entirely sure and idk what to do . I’m in a relationship with a boy and I’m incredibly happy with him . So the option of simply trying stuff with girls isn’t exactly possible rn if anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it x
    2 points
  36. how would you set bounderies with parents who believe they are entitled to have none with you?
    2 points
  37. heyyyyy, i've been dating someone for a long time and i don't know how to break up with him. He's lovely but my feelings for a while have just been friendly and I think he knows that something is wrong but we haven't spoken about it. I don't want to upset him but i can't keep doing this, I'm worried as our families have been friends for years and it'll get really awkward. Please can you give me some advice?
    2 points
  38. Hi everybody! I'm Michelle Elman and I'm a life coach, author, influencer and public speaker. You might know me online as Scarred Not Scared and most recently, I released a book on boundaries called The Joy of Being Selfish. I'm most passionate about showing people how to live their most empowered lives whether that's around boundaries, body positivity or dating and I work with DTL because I think it's important to demonstrate authenticity online and I believe DTL give people a safe space to discuss the issues that often arise online and through working with them, I hope to give people the tools to love themselves just as they are! You can ask me questions on any topic. I have worked with an array of clients on different problems so you will be hard pressed to find a topic, I haven't encountered before. To find out more about me, I'm @ScarredNotScared on Instagram, TikTok and Twitter and if you would like to ask me more questions, I answer questions weekly on my podcast In All Honesty or on Instagram on Mondays. I'll be live on the Ditch the Label Community on Friday 9th July from 16:00 BST time, but you can leave your questions in advance on this thread.
    1 point
  39. Hi everyone, I made this for people who struggle with their sexuality, relationships etc and to help people be themselves and love themselves!
    1 point
  40. Hi friends, it's great to be here! I'm Jaime, but you can call me Rose if you'd like. I'm 18, and will be moving to a new city next month to pursue my education and career goals. More pertinent to this website, I am non-binary and gay (nblm), and I use they/them pronouns. I also strongly suspect that I have autism and ADHD, though this is all pending diagnosis (never allowed to get tested as a kid, rip lmao) As it pertains to my interests, music is really my biggest thing. I'm a semi-professional keyboardist, and have been playing for over a decade and gigging on a consistent basis for the past three years (with a pretty substantial break 'cause... y'know...). Outside of that, I'm a student-pilot, and an avid fan of retro tech, particularly music tech! In the meantime between now and college, I've been filling up my time with DoorDash (oh, the stories I could tell...) and songwriting! And, for anyone that cares about that kind of stuff, I'm an INFP-T, and a 4w5 on the enneagram. (also, if anyone thinks that my name seems familiar from another LGBTQ+ website, yes, I am that Jaime ) Anyway, it's nice to meet y'all!
    1 point
  41. This is amazing!
    1 point
  42. Hey guys, I just wanted to come on here and talk about my experience with going to uni in case anyone was joining a new school/uni and had some anxieties about it. I personally feel like going to uni is built up to be this huge, amazing experience that everyone is supposed to love, but in reality (for me) it didn't work out like that, and people need to talk about the other side of it and how lonely it can be sometimes. By no means am I writing this to put people off going, because, as a recent graduate, I don't regret going at all and I think it was a good learning experience and it has made me a better person for it. I know some people who've had amazing experiences and have made the best of friends. Unfortunately that doesn't happen to everyone and that is something you have to think about before going and I personally didn't mentally prepare myself for that side of things. I went to my first uni and was housed with people that I didn't really get on with (they weren't very sociable and preferred to stay in their rooms), this made it difficult for me to make friends initially and bummed me out quite a lot because I saw all my secondary school friends having a great time with their new friends and I just wasn't experiencing the same thing. This got progressively worse for me and I was feeling very lonely and having to travel home most weekends so I could have some company. I made the decision to drop out of this uni after a few months, I felt like I'd disappointed myself as I'd worked so hard to be there in the first place. No one told me about the possibility of being so lonely at uni and I had gone in with really high hopes only for my confidence and self-esteem to be knocked. My anxiety was at an all time high at this point, I'd let myself down, I had no purpose and I felt lost in the world. But it was so nice to go home and spend time with my friends/family and unwind in an environment i felt comfortable in. I took the time out to appreciate the things that I like doing, working on myself and my interests and this is just what I needed to get back to my fun, loving self. After a few months at home I made the decision to reapply to a different uni (one that was closer to home). I already knew what to expect, could it go that wrong again? September came and uni was right around the corner, I was soooo nervous to start again and meet new people. What if the same thing happened all over again? I moved into my house and it was NOT what I expected at all. Everyone was SO nice and friendly, and it made me feel so much more comfortable, especially as my previous experience was not what I had expected. This alone gave me the confidence boost I needed to integrate myself into the 'uni lifestyle', and I was able to make a solid group of friends and dive straight into my studies. 4 years later I am so glad that I put myself out there again and had another shot at it. I now love learning and if I had let my first experience defeat me then I wouldn't be who I was today, or where I am today If anyone who's reading this is worried or anxious about starting uni/school, just remember to persevere with something you love because it pays off in the end. And if that particular place or course isn't right for you, there'll be more opportunities, so try not to feel bogged down or disheartened. Of course my personal experience of uni doesn't mean everyone's will be like that. All of my friends had really positive experiences. But I think because I went in thinking it was going to be this amazing, eye-opening thing, I was super disappointed and disheartened when it wasn't what I expected. I feel like I've just been on a rant about my experiences, but I wanted to tell people that it's okay not to be okay, and these setbacks make you who you are in the long-run. I honestly feel like life is one big roller-coaster, when you feel like you're at the bottom the only way is up! I hope sharing my experience helped anyone who was perhaps feeling a bit disheartened about something. Keep trying because you're amazing and you can do anything you set your mind to WaterfallDaisy x
    1 point
  43. yeah, i mean, you can hidebehind a mask and yeah... it's scary, I get it.
    1 point
  44. Hey, I’m sorry to hear that you couldn’t talk about what’s going on there, but I just want you to know that we can be your comfort site and you can talk to us about anything. Would you like to tell me a little bit more about the anxiety and gender issues that you’re currently experiencing? We are here for you.
    1 point
  45. I know that was to help someone else but I was a little bit to embarrassed to ask so thank you for the explanation
    1 point
  46. Hi Michelle, I have bad stretch marks on my thighs and make me feel embarrassed in shorts or a swim costume. What can I do about them? I want to be able to not care but I do.
    1 point
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