Hello,

I don't know where to really start, but I guess we should start from last year. I was always kinda the nerdy, shy kid of the class. I would say some jokes here and there, but I didn't really have many people to talk to and I really didn't have anyone who I would call a close friend. But last year, I started talking to this popular kid and it seemed that we were bonding. We shared the same interests, we both liked telling jokes. I was finally happy. I thought that I found a real friend. He did sometimes ask me to help with his homework (or more correctly, just send the answers) but I didn't rally care about that. Why would I? I just found my best friend for life. 

Then just before the end of the school year, we were going on a class road trip. I entered the bus and sat down to my "best friend". But he said: "Sorry. This seat is reserved." I tried to act like I didn't care, but I did care. And I thought about it for a long time. During the Summer break, we didn't hang out even once. We would chat online a little bit but it was only a few sentences a week. After the Summer break he just said "Hi." And that was it. He went to talk with his real best friend who I considered just another friend of his. I would later found out that they would hang out almost everyday. That was his real friend. I understood that he never considered me my best friend. He was using me to get better grades.

We both started talking a lot less, and wouldn't really talk after school at all. I thought that I was just going to end school with no real close friends. I was back to being the quiet, nerdy kid. There was still a thought in the back of my head that I could still scramble this friendship with my "best friend", but I think that in reality, I knew that it was over.

So what options did I have? I just started talking to the 2 "friends" I had. But we just didn't connect on the same level. But it was still better than talking to the wall. But somewhere a couple of weeks into school I just started talking to another popular classmate. We would chat before but it seemed to me that he's talking to me a lot more than the past 8 years. He's also had kind of an interesting friendship life. He had a best friend in 6th and 7th grade from the same class. They would go EVERYWHERE together and he they wouldn't to anybody but just to each other. But then his best friend went away in 8th grade. They slowly and slowly broke apart. They wouldn't hang out even if the friend would come back for a few days. So he found a new best friend from a different class. He would invite him to our class every break. But once again, just this year, he also want off to an another school.

But back to me. We sat together at 2 lessons. Some of our interests were shared, some not so much. And just as with my last "friend" we both considered ourselves comedic and loved telling jokes about the most random things ever. We talked more and more, we started chatting after school, I learned more about him and he learnt more about me. But there was always this feeling. Is he just using me? Have I fallen for the same trap? Am I just so easy to manipulate? That theory was reinforced by the fact that we sat together at chemistry and physics. Both of which he wasn't the greatest at. He was pretty good at all of the other lessons.

I had this thought in my head every time I would talk to him. But I couldn't just ask "Are you using me for better grades?" And as much as I had this feeling in the back of my head, there was a weird feeling, a feeling telling me that this friendship is much more real. But then there were seemingly repeating patterns with my last friendship: we didn't go anywhere after school, he wouldn't text me on weekends and a few other nuances. 

But I think the day that really mixed up my mind was when we went to Employment Service to learn about writing a CV. When I came in, he said: "Look. I reserved a seat for you, but X took it." It was strange. This wasn't a lesson. This wasn't a competition. Yet, he still wanted me to sit next to him. 

On the same day, our teacher also said that we are doing a group project. He immediately said that he wants to do it with me, but the teacher said: "You have to do it with whom you're sitting with." Did he want to do it with me because he liked me? Or did he just want a good grade? I was very confused and lost in my thoughts that day. 

This weird pattern would sometimes continue. One day he would come and talk to me himself, we would laugh, talk about stuff that interests us. Other days, we wouldn't talk as much, I would see him more with other classmates. 

So, is it a real friendship? Have I just fallen for the same trap? Or am I just too paranoid that the same thing is happening? What should I do about it? I think about it quite often. Maybe I don't know how to handle a real friendship because I've just never had one before? Maybe, just maybe, this time it's different.