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I’m not dead.


Alex.

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Hey, I’m back. I’d like to say I’m not dead, although, there were times I wished to be it. People are still not liking me, still having problems with homophobia in my state, still keeping secrets, and still using the act of fingernail on skin. But really, life isn’t fair, and I have to make the best of it. My life has been crazy, and here are some things I’d like to say. I’m demisexual and currently aceflux, and questioning if I might be heterofliexible or just straight. Yeah. Another thing is that this morning I said my survival story in front of my class, how I was born three months early and was one pound, told I wouldn’t be able to walk or talk, yet here I am, a novelist and poet. That’s what it means to be a survivor to me. To push through boundaries, through hurt and betrayal. I hope I inspired some students today, maybe they’ll respect me more. I also have made a strong connection with my friend, he is nice to me and I am nice to him, so I have a good friendship.  I’m so sorry for being so inactive, I was trying to help myself. I didn’t want ant of you to worry, I’m still alive and doing my best to get better. School is almost over and I have more testing to do. Ugh. if anyone wants to talk to me, I’m open. 

I love y’all, and you matter.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Alexis.

It's lovely to hear from you again. I'm glad to hear you've got good things going on, such as making a strong connection with your friend, and I really like that you've shared your survival story with your class; I'm sure they found it truly inspirational and I can imagine it took a lot for you to share that with them. 

I just want to check, are you safe at the moment? I noticed what you said about how, at times, you wish you were dead. Can you tell me more about that? 

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Hi! Thank you! Yes, it did. I feel safe most of the time, expect when I want to say I’m currently demisexual and Aceflux, but I can’t because I’m worried how my loved ones will react. Also if I ever ever had a GF if I wanted to, I would experience homophobia. sometimes I wish I was dead because then people will see how hard I struggled, and how they could’ve been nicer. But really, would they even notice?  Also, in COVID I tried to find ways to end my life without anyone seeing, I didn’t and don’t want to go to a mental hospital.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

I'm glad you feel safe most of the time; what do you think is helping you to feel safe? i just want to check, do you have any kind of plan to take your own life? It's okay to tell me if you have, because I am here to support you, and I just wanted to make sure. Take care and speak soon.

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Things that help me feel safe are knowing that there are people who support me ( my friends), and that I’m really not alone. No, I don’t have a plan. If I’m caught hurting myself I’ll be taken to the hospital anyways. I don’t want to end my life right now, I just want people to appreciate it. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

I just want you to know that I sent you a message to check in a couple of days ago. I hope to hear back from you soon :)

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