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Sorry Isn't An Exception, I Know, But Could I Just Say It First Before You Say It?




Hey everyone, I am starting a new blog..it's a sadder one and one that I hope will help with everything that is on my chest. I walk to call out @Jaxxy and for a good reason. I want to say this in a way that she understands, and to hopefully salivate (save) this friendship. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've been ignoring you. I'm sorry that I'm no good and that I mess up and that I know that you want attention too. I understand that. But these lyrics by G-easy might help you understand what it's like to be in my situation. to always help someone but no one to help me. To understand that I gave people presents, gifts, love, attention, loyalty, without getting nothing but a pat on the back for helping them

Uh, they fightin' my demons but they ain't fightin' fair
But I keep sayin' that everything is all right, I swear
All alone in a dark space, ain't no light in there
What's fucked up is I might actually like it there
Pouring everything on this paper my pen is on
Feel like I'm breaking in places they put the pressure on
I'm the one in my circle they all depending on
To do it though I need these drugs I've become dependent on
Someone tried to confront me now we don't get along
In my business, they trippin' off what I'm sippin' on
They can't reach the pedestal that my head is on
But truthfully I've been breaking down, just finally lettin' on

crowded space but I feel alone
Eyes on me at all times in a judgement zone
Somewhere on the road fucked up but I'm missin' home
No rest for the wicked, work cut out, put a pillow on
Anywhere, from misunderstood they try to patronize
They judgin' my ways, but won't empathize
You couldn't walk in my shoes, I'm not tellin' lies
Since age of  5 , I've been runnin' a whole enterprise
Provide for too many people, I can't jeopardize
But I've been breakin' in half to two separate lives
Mister Hodges died lookin' at Jekyll's eyes
I start becoming somebody I can't recognize

I understand the need of attention. I get it. and I'm sorry. I really am sorry and it hurts me every time I'm forced to look away from you to pretend like you don't exist because everybody is telling me to ignore you even though my heart is screaming to talk to you to figure it out but they say to give you time to calm yourself. Are you calm? because I'm not without you. hopefully we can speak again and hopefully, hopefully, I can see that smile again.

Your best friend, Bela.



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