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How do I come out?


Melina

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After a full year of contemplating and getting to know myself, I am a proud bisexual. My close friends know, but my family doesn't (my friends are like my found family. I'm a lot more close and comfortable with them). I want to come out to my family because keeping this from them is so stressful! But I'm worried about their reactions... I don't want to say they're homophobic, but their reactions to topics about the LGBTQ+ community don't always go well... My siblings, are.... Homophobic, yeah. They make rude jokes about the LGBTQ+ community so I don't know if I want to tell them. My mother, bless her, says she would support me if I came out (I am her daughter after all) but she always looks grossed out or like she's going to throw up when I talk about girls dating girls or guys dating guys. I can tell she doesn't mean to be rude, so I do want her to know, but I'm scared as to what her reaction might be...

Thoughts?

Edited by Daisie

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wall I mean if they are homophobic and they dont want you to be bi then try to tell them when it comes down but I havent come out to my parents so idk but if it doesn't end well then just say it and walk away

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I'm glad to hear your mom said she will support you no matter what. I know it's a confusing message when she looks grossed out when you talk about girls dating other girls, but I'm wondering, do you think she will be able to move past it? Parents have a lot of love for their children, and this helps them to open up their mind and become more accepting. Also, can you tell me more about the jokes your siblings make? 

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Yeah my mother does love me so I think she'd be more open-minded if I was bisexual but I am pretty sure she'd say the classic "You're too young to make that choice" and I get quite upset when people say stuff like that so I just don't want to get into it I guess. And my siblings' "jokes" are not jokes in the least like sometimes they're not so offensive but sometimes it's really homophobic like if someone would say or do something stupid they'd be like "omg that's so gay" or just randomly say "no homos in this house" like idk if they're joking or actually homophobic but even if it's a joke it's still offensive right?

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12 hours ago, Leafiebean said:

*still sorry my spelling is horriable

Don't worry same here but I go over the text when I'm done for any mistakes 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Melina

Yeah, I completely get what you're saying about not wanting to get into it because you don't want to hear your mom saying things like 'You're too young'. I guess I'm wondering though, even if you do come out and she does say that, could the positives of coming out outweigh the negative of that response? Also, yeah, those jokes are totally offensive, but I think you raise an interesting point about wondering whether they're just joking or are actually homophobic, and I'm wondering, what is your gut feeling in terms of an answer to that question? 

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I feel like they are homophobic. Because nobody in my extended family has LGBTQIA+ people (as far as I know) either so that's one of the reasons I don't really want to come out but I also do want to. I don't think the positives would outweigh the negatives in this situation because there's so many things that could go wrong. And I feel like even if I did get supported and accepted I think some people would judge me but not to my face because there's quite a bit of family drama on my mother's side and some people are a tad bit judgemental- 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I'm wondering, how would it feel if you were judged behind you back? 

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  • Digital Mentor

Yeah, I totally get how it feels when you're judged behind your back. I'm wondering though, if they do judge you, do you feel like that's a reflection of you or more on them? 

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  • Digital Mentor

Can you tell me a little bit more about that? I'm curious because whenever someone is homophobic, it's their attitude that's the problem, not the sexuality of the person in question. What do you think?

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  • Digital Mentor

Exactly. I think that we often take on the responsibility of feeling like there's something wrong with ourselves when others don't like our identity, but actually, it has nothing to do with us; it's all on them. You're perfect the way you are and you don't need to change for anyone! 

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