Somedays I feel like I am pretty. And that feeling doesn't come naturally, it’s forced. I definitely hear a lot of positive things from friends and family that I am beautiful and I'm truly grateful for them. But because of my toxic believes, nothing can ever seem to comfort me about my body image issues. I have been trying to work on my body a lot. When I see improvements, i feel the happiest. But when i don't, i curse myself way too much. I'm afraid to go to the mirror to see my face staring back at me. I have questions arising in my mind literally always, “why can't i be pretty”? I'm just a teenager and i want to feel like a normal one. When people put a nice dress on, the feel beautiful. Why can't I feel the same? It got even worse when in my new school, I got bullied for 2 years straight because of my appearance.
I'm trying so hard to change. I really want to. Because I have been able to accept myself but loving myself seems impossible no matter how much I listen about self-love. Well I do love the person I am internally but not my appearance.
I don't know. I just feel lost, helpless and sad. I don't want to “glow up” for anyone. Trust me. I just want to look better so that I can love myself. So that I can stop worrying about my looks all the time. So that I can finally feel like a normal teenager. I just want to feel beautiful, atleast once in my life.
Thank you for having the patience to read :)
Edited by Daisie