This is my first blog post and I want to talk about something that is going on in my life right now. (well the event in specific happened about a week ago)
A little bit of background, this year I leveled up to the jr high/ high school group in scouts and so far it has been fairly good, I have been welcomes with open arms and I have learned a few things but an issue has arose. The age group before this one you had badges that were fairly easy and you had a few responsibilities but it was fairly easy, in the group i'm in now the badges are a whole world harder and you have so much responsibility but you also get events that are just for that age group and at summer camp you get to do a lot more. You also have to lead the younger kids which is kind of where my problem comes in. I'm not amazing with a group of kids like they need me to be, i'm really good with 1-3 kids at a time not 7-10. At our event last weekend I was leading the games station which you got to play a bunch of fun games like musical chairs, human ring toss (which ended very fast after I got it in the face with a hula hoop, in my defense it really hurt.) fun stuff like that. I am an introvert and we had 2 groups a break then 2 more and by the second group I was already burnt out and I had to push on. I got through the second group and then was my break, I went to the kitchen and got pizza then did a few things I had to do. Then I relaxed for the 10 minutes I had left. I went back to doing my station and all was okay until a kid started to see that I was getting a little bit annoyed and she is like 6 or 7 so apparently that means she starts to annoy me more, I had asked her after the first time not to touch me (What I didn't tell her was over the last few years, I have developed trust issues which also lead to not liking to be touched unless it is by certain people, because those people have my full trust and most of them know that the don't need to ask before hugging me. i'll make a full blog post about this after I finish this one, What am I supposed to say to her she isn't old enough to understand that. ) she touched and grabbed until I snapped. I had a mix between an anxiety attack and a mental breakdown. I couldn't speak and everyone was asking if I was ok and why I was crying. The adult that I trust the most in this activity (gonna call her Ms. H) pulled me aside and handled it like a champ (granted it wasn't the first time that she has been the only one there for me in a situation like that) once I could talk again I said "its to much" she thought that meant I was overwhelmed and was having an anxiety attack which wasn't untrue, it just wasn't the whole picture. It makes sense that she would think it was just an anxiety attack because it was very noisy and she knows i'm sensitive to noise. The real thing that was wrong was I had crumbled under the building pressure, I'm not ready for all of the responsibility yet and I need help.
I have talked to a couple friends about it and they both say to talk to an adult/ have I talked to an adult yet. I am going to talk to Ms. H the next time I see her and see what she says