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trimkeyboard7878

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Hello Lovelies, 

This is my first blog post and I want to talk about something that is going on in my life right now.  (well the event in specific happened about a week ago)

A little bit of background, this year I leveled up to the jr high/ high school group in scouts and so far it has been fairly good, I have been welcomes with open arms and I have learned a few things but an issue has arose. The age group before this one you had badges that were fairly easy and you had a few responsibilities but it was fairly easy, in the group i'm in now the badges are a whole world harder and you have so much responsibility but you also get events that are just for that age group and at summer camp you  get to do a lot more. You also have to lead the younger kids which is kind of where my problem comes in. I'm not amazing with a group of kids like they need me to be, i'm really good with 1-3 kids at a time not 7-10. At our event last weekend I was leading the games station which you got to play a bunch of fun games like musical chairs, human ring toss (which ended very fast after I got it in the face with a hula hoop, in my defense it really hurt.)  fun stuff like that. I am an introvert and we had 2 groups a break then 2 more and by the second group I was already burnt out and I had to push on. I got through the second group and then was my break, I went to the kitchen and got pizza then did a few things I had to do. Then I relaxed for the 10 minutes I had left. I went back to doing my station and all was okay until a kid started to see  that I was getting a little bit annoyed and she is like 6 or 7 so apparently that means she starts to annoy me more, I had asked her after the first time not to touch me (What I didn't tell her was over the last few years, I have developed trust issues which also lead to not liking to be touched unless it is by certain people, because those people have my full trust and most of them know that the don't need to ask before hugging me. i'll make a full blog post about this after I finish this one, What am I supposed to say to her she isn't old enough to understand that. ) she touched and grabbed until I snapped. I had a mix between an anxiety attack and a mental breakdown. I couldn't speak and everyone was asking if I was ok and why I was crying. The adult that I trust the most in this activity (gonna call her Ms. H) pulled me aside and handled it like a champ (granted it wasn't the first time that she has been the only one there for me in a situation like that) once I could talk again I said "its to much" she thought that meant I was overwhelmed and was having an anxiety attack which wasn't untrue, it just wasn't the whole picture. It makes sense that she would think it was just an anxiety attack because it was very noisy and she knows i'm sensitive to noise. The real thing that was wrong was I had crumbled under the building pressure, I'm not ready for all of the responsibility yet and I need help. 

I have talked to a couple friends about it and they both say to talk to an adult/ have I talked to an adult yet. I am going to talk to Ms. H the next time I see her and see what she says

Edited by Daisie

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Thank you for telling us about what's going on. I think it sounds like you've already come up with your own solution, which is talking to Ms. H, and I'm sure this will be really helpful for you. It sounds like she is really nice and supportive, and I'm sure she will help you out with this; what do you think? I wonder, if a child does touch you again, what could you say to them that would help them to understand? 

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Hey,

I'm not out of the woods with it yet, Ms. H has always listened and understood pretty well but the person that she is going to send me to will either be another leader or my mother, or she could try to handle it herself which I would prefer. I love my mom but she really wont understand this, we have different personalities entirely, and the other leader that she will most likely send me to is amazing and kind but wont be able to help me because I've already screwed up to many times and its really hard to explain my relationship with her. I know Ms. H will help me in anyway she can because I know that she will want to help me. I'm not sure what I would say, I would be partially surprised if she did it again because not gonna lie she was being touchy and annoying to the point where I broke down in tears. I have no problem if these kids come up and hug me, for the most part anyway. unless i'm like mid anxiety attack which at that point there are about 4 people who are aloud to touch me at all at that point. I will talk to her about it if the issue arises again. She is 7 (99% sure) but her sister is 9 or 10 and would understand it better so I might end up explaining to the sister and having the sister explain to the kid. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Yeah, I think it’s a really good idea to maybe speak with the older sister and have her say something to the younger one; that could work really well :)

Also, I’m wondering, could you ask her to send you to another leader instead of your mom? How do you think that might go? 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, I think it’s a really good idea to maybe speak with the older sister and have her say something to the younger one; that could work really well :)

Also, I’m wondering, could you ask her to send you to another leader instead of your mom? How do you think that might go? 

There is a good chance that she will either send me to my mother or my unit leader (which isn't her till next year) the only problem with that is the last time I tried to bring it up with my leader I didn't get a word in and she said that I have to be the 'big kid'. Ms. H is ultimately the person who will be the best option to help me mostly because she is the adult I trust more then anyone with my feelings and she understands because she is a lot like me.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Ah, okay, I see. When she told you that you had to be the big kid, how did you respond to that? Did it help you? 

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I said ok, and we left it at that. This leader is like a second mother to me because her daughter has the same first name as I do and we can make quite a few jokes about that, there are a bunch of other reasons but thats the main one. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

It sounds like you have a really good relationship with her. Has Ms H sent you to anyone yet? If so, how did it go? 

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4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It sounds like you have a really good relationship with her. Has Ms H sent you to anyone yet? If so, how did it go? 

I do its kind of weird but fun. I see Ms. H on Thursday, i'm going to talk to her about it then and possibly someone else who I trust. 

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Hey!

Quick update on whats going on, I did not see Ms. H on Thursday the thing got canceled due to a few things and I will supposedly see her tonight but i'm not sure bringing it up tonight is the best choice, I say that because the organization where I met her we are both still in and we have a fundraiser going on and if you sell so many of what were selling you get to pie a leader. You get to chose one off a list and I chose her, on the other hand its an important issue and I think it should be discussed asap and i'm not 100% sure when i'll see her next I believe the following Monday but I don't know.  I am more or less terrified about the reaction, I am expecting that I will be in tears because every time I run through it in my head (meaning I like to try to find the base of what to say to start a conversation prior to the event. I overthink things so much and I can't help it.)  every time I run through it in my head/looking like a crazy person talking to myself alone in my room I either tear up or full on cry. I hope her reaction is in my favor and that she will help me. I'll update tomorrow on how this goes if I have the time.

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I saw her monday but I was busy to the point where I didn't get a chance to talk to her but I got a wave from across the room. I see her for te next three mondays and possibly a couple thursdays those weeks, the schedule is a bit finicky. (I thought we were pieing on monday I was wrong I think its next week." 

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Hey

Its going good, I haven't spoken to her about this specific situation yet I was talking to her about something on monday the 29th that is a little more urgent that was going on that day (Its still an ongoing problem that at the moment is hard to explain but i'll make a blog post about it when it's slightly more resolved) and she made me feel alot better about it. When she had to leave I asked her if at the next meeting (This upcoming Monday.)  if she could try to allot some time for me so that we could talk about something important, and she said that she would to the best of her ability. I am going to try to bring it up and another issue that is very important. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Ah, okay. I hope that you get to speak to her on that day. Will you let us know how it goes? You can talk to us about it as well if you like. 

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UPDATE: 

So, I saw Ms. H today and we talked for a minute but I wasn't able to get to the point, she had a couple minutes before she had to leave which I knew was not going to be enough time to explain everything and get to the point and I was smart about it, I pretty much said "I know you don't have much time at this moment. Can you please try to make some time for a semi-long conversation? I have something really important to say." She said that she would try her best and then informed me that we have a different even this thursday. The reason I didn't know before was we have had a crazy weird schedule lately. I normally get to talk to her more at these because its at her house and I privately hate everyone except for about 5 maybe 6 people, and she is one of two there who I actually like. As for the current problem, it has changed a bit. I have thought over a few things and feel better prepared for things after talking to one of my bffs about it. The current problem is my name. I have the same name as someone and I have an annoying nickname and i'm tryin to get the nickname killed and my name changed. My first step is talking to her about it. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Oh, that's a shame that you didn't get to talk with her properly yesterday. Can I ask, what d you mean when you say you have different this Thursday? Sorry! Also, thanks for telling me about the problem with the name. When are you going to talk to her about it? Also, have you thought about what you're going to say? 

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Hey, (Fair warning this is going to be kind of confusing with how I formatted it I apologise) 

It isn't unusual for her and I to have our conversations cut short because she has to leave and the reason that she can't stay for a few more minutes to talk to me is she doesn't drive herself, i'm not going to get deep into why because I deeply respect her privacy, but from my knowledge of the situation its an anxiety thing which I deeply respect. What I mean by different is, I don't remember if I mentioned this but i'm a competitive archer, Ms. H and Ms. A (New blog post, she is quite literally my second mother) are my coaches so I see them 1-2 times a week minimum. I honestly am feeling a bit more prepared for things and the name issue is the most prominent and i'm going to talk to her about it tonight when I see her. I am not sure what i'm going to say but its probably going to bring it up as a question and ask her what she would think if I changed my name, and why I want to change my name. 

 

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Hey, (Fair warning this is going to be kind of confusing with how I formatted it I apologise)  OK, i'm posting this again because I accidentally put it i black font

It isn't unusual for her and I to have our conversations cut short because she has to leave and the reason that she can't stay for a few more minutes to talk to me is she doesn't drive herself, i'm not going to get deep into why because I deeply respect her privacy, but from my knowledge of the situation its an anxiety thing which I deeply respect. What I mean by different is, I don't remember if I mentioned this but i'm a competitive archer, Ms. H and Ms. A (New blog post, she is quite literally my second mother) are my coaches so I see them 1-2 times a week minimum. I honestly am feeling a bit more prepared for things and the name issue is the most prominent and i'm going to talk to her about it tonight when I see her. I am not sure what i'm going to say but its probably going to bring it up as a question and ask her what she would think if I changed my name, and why I want to change my name. 

 

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Hey, 

I got to talk to Ms. H for a lot longer than expected. After archery my dad played Pokemon go with a kid on my team for an hour and a half. Ms. H and I were in a different room we talked while she worked on fixing some equipment. I got about half of the name problem in before practice cause I was a bit early and continued it later on, I always assume and prepare for the worst reaction, she was so kind about it, and she asked me what I would prefer to be called, I couldn't give her an answer, she said to think about it. She also asked how long this had been going on and I told her the truth which is a couple of months. I was able to tell a friend about it because I trust her almost as much as I do Ms. H, she was so supportive. I'm almost certain that she could tell that it was extremely hard for me to bring up, especially because I started with saying "I'm trying to figure out how to frase this." and I was almost in tears. I have narrowed it down to two, i'm seeing Ms. H again Monday and will tell her if I have decided by then. I talked to her about feeling like I could never live up to a girl who has the same name as I do and seems amazing at everything and she made me feel a lot better about it. We talked a lot about anxiety and mental health in general. She questioned why I liked to talk to her so much because she is just a normal person which I came back at with... "For me people fall into 4 categories, the people I publicly don't like, the people who I don't like but am kind to anyway, the people who I like but they aren't my favorite people, and the people who are my favorite people."  I was also able to open up about something that happened to me and had left me in a extremely bad place, She knows I have trouble opening up and bringing things up no matter how important it might be, i'm just not sure if she knows to what extent. I will have another chance to talk to her for a longer period of time fairly soon, one of my friends had her nails done christmasy and I said I liked them, she said that Ms. H had done them. I had asked Ms. H if she could do mine at some point and she enthusiastically said that she would, her and I need to sort out when she will do it but it should be fairly soon. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I’m glad you got to speak with Ms H. How did you find it opening up to her about what happened to you? I’m really pleased that you did that as it can be really hard to talk about our feelings. I always say that a problem shared is a problem halved, and speaking to others really helps to take the weight off! Also, if you want, you can speak to us too about what happened, but no pressure; whatever works for you. Speak soon. 

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I'm working on a blog post about what happened last night and a coupe other things related, it should be up in an hour or two maybe depending on what i'm doing today.

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