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Oliver

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Coming out to mother


Olive boi

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Okay so I recently came out to my dad. Thankfully he was supportive BUT he's one of those kinds of people who are like "There's only 2 genders." to which I'm thinking "Ummm you mean sexes? Cause there are MANY different genders and 2 different sexes. Actually now that I think about it there's more than 2 sexes. At least 3."

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Well done for coming out to your dad! How are you feeling now that you've done it? 

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I feel pretty good other than the fact that he's one of those people who believe "there's only 2 genders" but still, I feel great!

I didn't come out to my mother though, still too scared! I got a girlfriend too!

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

How did it go with your dad? Also, that's great about your girlfriend! How did you meet? :) 

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It went good with my dad and I met her in school. Started dating Monday. I came out to my mom today and it didn't go so well. She eventually told me to drop the subject and I said okay but I have to see her again this Friday for Thanksgiving. Honestly when I get the chance I'm gonna live with my dad full time OR move out as soon as I can. I can wait 4-6 years it'll be worth it.

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Ok so I recently came out to my mother and she said "When was the last time you had s3x, (actual name)? And she continued to tell me that I "can't be bi" and that I only "think I'm bi because it's a fad right now" and asked me if I had ever liked a girl as more than friends (she doesn't know I have a girlfriend) and she asked me to just drop the subject but it's kinda hard to forget about it so..what do I do now?

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I'm so sorry, but my reply was still saved in the drafts and didn't send - I'll make sure that doesn't happen again. It's interesting that she has just asked you to drop the subject; what does she mean by that? Does she mean stop talking about it, or stop being bi? 

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I think she means to stop talking about it because she thinks that's all my friends talk about but I mean, like, we're all gay so...And then she said she'll start to take and monitor my phone if I don't stop talking about it.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Ah, thanks for explaining that for me. I'm wondering, why do you think she wants you to stop talking about it? How do you think she is feeling? 

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I think she's just having trouble adjusting to it, or maybe the fact that things are different from when she went to school. I knew better than to ask why...

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Yeah, that was my thought too, that she is just having trouble adjusting to it. I think it can be hard when someone's child starts to move in their own direction and develop a stronger sense of identity, and it might take her some time to come around to all of this. What do you think? 

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I think that maybe she could've reacted a bit better, seeing as she called me and my friends the r slur (slur used against neurodivergent people) an she cursed quite a bit. and I forgot to mention this but I recently found out that I'm pan and polyamorous.  I haven't told anyone other than my friends about either one of those things because my dad thinks that there are only 2 genders. And I'm not sure how my parents would react if they found out I wouldn't mind being with/having more than one partner

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that she referred to you and your friends with that slur. How are you feeling about that?

Also, it's great to hear that you've come to those realisations! How is it now that you have figured out this part of your identity? 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Kiera

Yeah, what she said was pretty hurtful. Did you speak to her about it?

Also, I know I've pretty much said it already, but I am really happy that you've found your true self. Have you noticed any changes in yourself since? :) 

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I haven't talked to her about it because I'm scared to, but I do think we should talk about it.

As for me, I think I've noticed a few changes, like in the small things I do every day

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Yeah, I think it's really important to address things like that because it can just bubble up inside and lead to resentment otherwise. What do you think? 

Also, what kind of changes have you noticed? :) 

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Ok so I recently figured out I'm pan(romantic) and ace, and I already knew I was poly and trans. I don't think I should talk to her about it though because she doesn't believe in multiple genders.

I've noticed that I'm kind of acting differently, but in a good way. I would say I'm happier but recently my brain decided it wanted to remind me of all the past trauma I endured so I'm feeling pretty crappy

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Well I'm sorry that u feel crappy and I hope u feel better.And also if u want to tell me or not its perfectly fine TvT. But in what ways do u think u have been acting differently??And I'm glad u had/have been feeling happier ^^

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  • Digital Mentor
On 3/3/2022 at 10:34 PM, Olive boi said:

Ok so I recently figured out I'm pan(romantic) and ace, and I already knew I was poly and trans. I don't think I should talk to her about it though because she doesn't believe in multiple genders.

I've noticed that I'm kind of acting differently, but in a good way. I would say I'm happier but recently my brain decided it wanted to remind me of all the past trauma I endured so I'm feeling pretty crappy

Hey,

How have you been doing recently? Would you like to talk privately about what's been going on for you? I can message you if so. Take care. 

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