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Feeling a little Happier Than Ever Bit By Bit Each Day


Chabela

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Hey everyone! I´m feeling better than I was yesterday, but I wanna know how you guys feel. how are you guys doing? pronouns and everything :) 
Pronouns: It/them

Question: whats one or more (if you want) favorite singers you like? I like Billie Eilish´s album Happier Than Ever, Halsey, FLETCHER, Selena Gomez, Melanie Martinez and more. 


Why am I so surprised? Why.am.i.so.surprised? Ha, I thought I could get over you. I ACTUALLY thought that if I saw everything right before my eyes, if I saw your physical looks, that I’d stop. HA. It's really funny because when I said you owned my heartstrings, I wasn’t playing like any other time. I thought I did. My heart still stutters when I talk to you or hear your voice, and I hate it so badly. Why did I think that I could ever get over you, less just become friends with you, only become friends? I'm sorry that I want more from you. I just can’t for some reason. We’re not even close to soulmates. There are no signs, you don’t even like me, even our star signs don’t agree. Why am I so attracted and attached to you? You don’t even like me, less love me. Still deep inside I can’t move on. I’ve said that for every person, but impressing you or being dramatic for publicity isn’t it this time. Hopefully, I move on. I want to move on, and I have for everyone else, and yet I feel a lot more things for you than I ever did for my significant other. “I just wished you could give me a chance,” says my heart repeatedly to you but sadly the yearning is so quiet the whisper can’t be heard over the screen.

The need is so deeply buried within me that I feel the yearning so badly its a pain and I just wished you felt it I wish you knew how much I’m feeling for you, and man since this is the 6th month I’ve known you, I guess it's been 6 months since I STILL like you and I STILL can’t give it up. I gotta say if this is like cancer, it's going to be the worst death of me. This wanting so deep that sometimes I lay awake staring at the wall, or because of you, I can’t sleep at all, much like I am right now. 

Even though we start each other's fires, fight until someone calls the cops, I’m still here, listening to your words that make no sense. I’m more than convinced that I’m still here, talking to you because I need, want, yearn, attract you. It's ridiculous, because how can I love someone and let them go so easily it looks cruel, but when I’m annoyed at someone like you and I love you, I feel like the most insane person on earth, or more like a different person. It’s like I don’t even recognize myself, like nothing pales in comparison to you, like all I can see, taste, see, feel is you, to the point that I want to reach out to some asylum to help with my symptoms. I’m this close to diagnosing myself with Stockholm syndrome because it feels a lot like that. Also meaning I need medical treatment or a therapist (thank you google for making sure I’m completely insane :)) and if I don’t get over you, I might as well consider it.

 

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On 11/7/2021 at 4:31 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Welcome to our community. How is everything going for you at the moment? 

I am doing great! thanks for asking ;)

 

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  • Digital Mentor
On 11/9/2021 at 5:37 PM, Chabela said:

I am doing great! thanks for asking ;)

 

Hey there,

I just thought I'd check in and see what's new with you? What have you been unto? 

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On 12/1/2021 at 10:40 AM, Monsoon said:
On 12/1/2021 at 10:40 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I just thought I'd check in and see what's new with you? What have you been unto? 

hey! thanks for asking, I am doing pretty good for the most part but ig I've been pretty sad and confused because 

1. my gender dysphoria is getting to me and I really want to look how I feel and want to with acceptance in my family (even though they aren't big and excited about that since I heard my mom react to my sister being bi and all she said to her was "ok") 

2. I'm so confused and kissed one of my best friends and I don't know what I'm going to do because I have a girlfriend and she doesn't know I'm polygamous ( a person who dates more than one person) and I don't think that my best friend likes me back 

3. My girlfriend hasn't been answering me lately and even others said that they haven't heard from her so I am worried 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I saw that the comment is blank, and I just wanted to check and see what you meant to say? Speak soon :) 

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On 12/5/2021 at 12:54 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I saw that the comment is blank, and I just wanted to check and see what you meant to say? Speak soon :) 

Look inside the blank space!

On 12/4/2021 at 1:38 AM, Chabela said:

 

Oh no. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, yes it's up to you what you say but I'd of told her early as that you date more then 1 person, as that will break her. 

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hey! thanks for asking, I am doing pretty good for the most part but ig I've been pretty sad and confused because 

1. my gender dysphoria is getting to me and I really want to look how I feel and want to with acceptance in my family (even though they aren't big and excited about that since I heard my mom react to my sister being bi and all she said to her was "ok") 

2. I'm so confused and kissed one of my best friends and I don't know what I'm going to do because I have a girlfriend and she doesn't know I'm polygamous ( a person who dates more than one person) and I don't think that my best friend likes me back 

3. My girlfriend hasn't been answering me lately and even others said that they haven't heard from her so I am worried

 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

It's lovely to hear from you again :)

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment, and I can see why you're feeling pretty sad and confused. It can be really tough trying to navigate gender dysphoria, but then having other things going on can be really overwhelming, so I hear you, and I just want you to know that we've got your back. I'm thinking, it might be good to tackle each point separately if you think that would help? If you like, we can talk about the point that is bothering you the most and go from there? Let me know what you think. 

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On 12/6/2021 at 4:56 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It's lovely to hear from you again :)

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment, and I can see why you're feeling pretty sad and confused. It can be really tough trying to navigate gender dysphoria, but then having other things going on can be really overwhelming, so I hear you, and I just want you to know that we've got your back. I'm thinking, it might be good to tackle each point separately if you think that would help? If you like, we can talk about the point that is bothering you the most and go from there? Let me know what you think. 

yeah the thing is my mom and dad don't know about my identity and it's been starting to bother me lately and honestly I don't really want to tell them because I'm not exactly fond of them, I should say because mommy and daddy issues but I just want to get it off my chest so that I can be comfortable in my own body.  and I apologized to my friend about kissing her because it was an impulsive mood, depressed, and not in the right mindset and as soon as I got near her and made the move I was already thinking about my girlfriend and I think she minds me being polygamus and dating more than one person and even though it might be my kind of style, I don't really mind just having one person and besides she is wonderful and hearing from her now (finally after so long I was dying the whole time without her) is when I could take an actual breath of air so my life is getting a little better. and about the kiss thing, My friend only loves me as a friend and I have actually moved on from her so yea :) 

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10 hours ago, Chabela said:

yeah the thing is my mom and dad don't know about my identity and it's been starting to bother me lately and honestly I don't really want to tell them because I'm not exactly fond of them, I should say because mommy and daddy issues but I just want to get it off my chest so that I can be comfortable in my own body.  and I apologized to my friend about kissing her because it was an impulsive mood, depressed, and not in the right mindset and as soon as I got near her and made the move I was already thinking about my girlfriend and I think she minds me being polygamus and dating more than one person and even though it might be my kind of style, I don't really mind just having one person and besides she is wonderful and hearing from her now (finally after so long I was dying the whole time without her) is when I could take an actual breath of air so my life is getting a little better. and about the kiss thing, My friend only loves me as a friend and I have actually moved on from her so yea :) 

awww.

🥲

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Chabela

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying about how you want to be comfortable in your own body. I think that keeping in this kind of news can be really difficult and stressful. I'm wondering, who are you out to in your life at the moment? For people who haven't come out to their parents yet, it can help to tell others because there is then a sense of relief and feeling like you can be authentic in other parts of your life. What do you think? 

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On 12/29/2021 at 5:24 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey @Chabela

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying about how you want to be comfortable in your own body. I think that keeping in this kind of news can be really difficult and stressful. I'm wondering, who are you out to in your life at the moment? For people who haven't come out to their parents yet, it can help to tell others because there is then a sense of relief and feeling like you can be authentic in other parts of your life. What do you think? 

Yea I've come out to two aunts and one was not very comfortable with the news, and it was my first ever time hearing the "it's just a phase wait until you're older to understand" and it kinda made me lose my hope into telling my mom, which is whom I'm most afraid to tell because hearing one of those things is exactly the response I know I'm going to hear from my mother. One of my best friends came out to her mom and she didn't really care just like "oh okay"like my mom did with my sister. and then my best-est friend who is also Genderfluid and queer came out to her mom, who really doesn't care much about my friend, and said "why? you are not a guy" and misgenders her BUT that was 2 years ago and when I talked to my friend again she said her mom finally said "sir, handsome, etc all masc" like I want and I'm happy for her but like I said her mom was against it for a while.  Strangely, all my friends are all queer and very few of them are just straight allies so a majority of them can relate to me.  And I would like this question to be answered, and I don't mean like directly to you (although you are more than welcome to) I mean like universally I guess; how do you tell your parents you've been mostly masculine/ a boy ever since you found it at the age of 7? even more, at that same age realized that they aren't straight and you haven't changed your mind about it since? I'm out to two aunts, all my friends, and I want to be open to the whole school even with all the conditions and consequences it has with that, I'm using stuff like a name card that has my pronouns on it and pronoun bracelets so everyone can stop calling me her so much, especially when I feel strongly masc on a specific day so that is atleast the silver lining in all of this madness.  

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I'm glad that you can relate to your friends as they're similar to you; how does that feel? :). It's good that your mom didn't react negatively to your sister coming out; how do you think you'd feel if she reacted the same way to you? 

With telling your parents, that's a really good question, and I'm wondering, if a friend of yours asked for advice on how to do that, what do you think you might say? 

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oh hey thanks for the response, and happy new years! I can't believe its 2022! anyway it feels nice although I want to be more in the open with then and I want them to start asking my pronouns and using he/him whenever they don't know and call me Bel/Bela (which some do and these are nicknames I prefer) and a lot of our teachers are surprisingly allies to the community so I'm going to tell them to start calling me Bel and go by he/him pronouns because I know they have a lot of students and can't remember my daily ones and I have a big connection with the masc side so :) yeah but I think my mom was a little bit more calm towards my sister because she only like "partially"is attracted to girls but still has chances with guys meanwhile I prefer girls a LOT more even though I am Omni/Abrosexual, everyone has their preferences, and I found out recently that my littlest sister is bi with a big preference for girls so ehm YEAH and to make it even worse my dad is an old-fashioned guy and when I mean old fashioned, I mean that he still believes that girls can't play with cars and "boy things" and wasn't very good with the idea of me trying out for boxing .>.>

but that question hmmm that's a good question I do love helping people out as much as I can so hMMMMMMM that's actually a question I have to think about I mean I usually give advice to people like quick because I've thought about those scenarios because ✨ therapist things✨  but I think I would tell that person to tread lightly and ask them their perspective without being too obvious and then when you feel like your a good progress level with them and feel comftorable telling them, you should. 0-0 well, I think that might work. thanks for the advice! also its considerate for you to give me advice since I never get any and I only give some so I wanna show my gratitude :D 

p.s, I am going to soon post a short gay love story because I feel very much in the love season and I wanna celebrate all relationships out there ^-^ au revoir! 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I think that your mom may react better than you expect. The fact that she has had time to come around to it with your sister may help her to feel more prepared for it. If she wasn't accepting, I think that it would have shown in how she reacted to your sister's news. What do you think? I'm wondering, how did your father react?

Also, that's great advice that you'd give to a friend in the same situation :). I wonder, do you think that advice is helpful for yourself too? 

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