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Life

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About this blog

This is different from my “ light in darkness” blog.  Here, I’ll just post things that have happened in my life in short entries. I chose not to say some stuff about it, because some of it is too personal or it hurts way too much. 

Entries in this blog

I came out to my sis.

Ok. After a year, I came out to my sis. Not my parents, my sister. She is an ally after I taught her about LGTBQ+, her friend is gay and I remember last week she came home smiling, saying, “ My friend is gay! I’m so proud of her for coming out!” That made my heart melt. I waited a while before breaking the truth, after I liked my first girl, figured out  myself a bit, and then we were watching queer eye together when my parents were asleep. She decided to switch the channel, and I watched it on

Alex.

Alex. in Life

The struggle called gender.

I feel, kinda messed up, I should say. I know I’m a girl, but at the same time, I want boy hair and a gender expression of not just female. I’m not sure what I am, and as a 12, almost 13 year old person- I knew my sexuality pretty easy, but now gender, I’m not a boy, I’m a girl who asks themself, “ what is the deal with gender?” Why can’t we all be human? So then I get tripped up into the mixture of girl and genderqueer, then claming myself as a girl ( female and genderqueer), which doesn’t make

Alex.

Alex. in Life

Life I guess.

My best friend is moving away. We could’ve been in the same honors theatre class next year so I wouldn’t be bullied, but no. Goodbye Lilyln, thank you for teaching me how to be me, to help me find my true identities, and I wish you luck at your new school.  My grandma on my dad’s side has had heart problems for the past month, and I really hope she gets better.   I also feel a mix of female and genderqueer today and I liked my first girl last month but she was straight ugh.  I had litt

Alex.

Alex. in Life

Changing user name cuz I can 🤪

Changed my user name to Alex  to feel more gender neutral although I’m a girl but if you called me bro or girl, I wouldn’t care! I’m A human! I use she/her but if you call me they I don’t mind but I’m more used to she/her. I feel like a girl most and all the time, never  a boy, but does gender matter? Nope.  Ha ha ha ha ha welcome to step two of my craziness! I’m also currently demisexual/Aceflux/heterofliexible and I luv it! My parents don’t know, but they don’t need to and I’m not scared,  opi

Alex.

Alex. in Life

IM ALIVE

I’m alive and I love it ok no more being sad I get lost in thoughts sometimes but I’m too cool to be sad my dad got me pride skittles even though I’m still closeted NOM NOM yummyyyyyyyyy I’m here if you’re sad too I’m recovering but that’s beautiful I haven’t had a red arm in two months eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee just smile I still feel worried/worthless a little but it’s ok I am loved no matter what and you are too positive vibes guys! 🌈❤️

Alex.

Alex. in Life

Anxiety.

Bleh. Here it comes. The bad anxiety I used to get as a little child. I have been experiencing it really bad since Thursday, when innocent kids and teachers  in my home town, texas, were killed in a school massacre. It breaks my heart. My cousins live close to that area. My whole life I have been scared of things like that, dying in the hands of another. I would cry in my sleep as a little girl, worried that someone would break into my house and kill me. No child should have those worries, or ac

Alex.

Alex. in Anxiety

Every June my soul dies

I’m not kidding. It really does. Ok, let me explain the first reason. June is pride month, and guess who is demi and aceflux and can’t be proud of herself? Me. My dad shades  everything from us, like he is protecting us. But he isn’t. This is the real world. So that means hiding my true identity at the month I should be “ self loving me” and my “ uniqueness”. Plus, we are going to vacation to Florida in early june so that means some homophobia.  My second reason is kinda personal and I don’

Alex.

Alex. in Life

Something good that happened today.

So like um I had a good day which is rare. Here are some good things that happened to me today.  In theatre people never want to be my partner but we got some of the issues sorted out with my teacher which is nice. Anyways, one of my friends actually wanted to be my partner! It felt good because I am used to be being rejected. Another good thing is that I made honors theater with my best friend so we could be in the same class next year and we have a musical coming up!! I also met a ne

Alex.

Alex. in Life

I’m not dead.

Hey, I’m back. I’d like to say I’m not dead, although, there were times I wished to be it. People are still not liking me, still having problems with homophobia in my state, still keeping secrets, and still using the act of fingernail on skin. But really, life isn’t fair, and I have to make the best of it. My life has been crazy, and here are some things I’d like to say. I’m demisexual and currently aceflux, and questioning if I might be heterofliexible or just straight. Yeah. Another thing is t

Alex.

Alex. in Life

That Friday of mine

Hi! So last Friday I had a school play ( I was a minor role but it was meant for two people) and I didn’t mess up and people liked it! Yay! I got a lot of compliments. Also, when I was home, I got to email one of my friends, and we ended up breaking the email limit record with 101 emails in less than a month!  Lol- we’ve gotten to know each other better ever since the academic competition we both had ( except I did history and he did geography.)  So I had a nice day yesterday.   

Alex.

Alex. in Life

School play jitters

I have my first play in theatre and I am so nervous I don’t want to mess up! I am friendless in the class people only talk to me to yell at me I am respected no where besides my history and ELA class but to the rest I’m trash. My ADHD sucks at times I hate it.  If I make a mistake like I have been doing no one in my class will like me again. I get blamed for every mistake even though those same people make mistakes too but they don’t get yelled at. I just hope I do good :( 

Alex.

Alex. in Life

Sad vibes of 2022

Umm, where do I start? Ok, I’ll just put this into words…anyways, for the past three years, I have been depressed, mentally sick, and memories of my past creep around me. My mom has called the mental facility people like 5 times, and honestly, I don’t want to go, it all seems scary. I used to ( and sometimes do) hurt myself, when I’m angry over simple things I have done. It isn’t my fault for doing that or saying this, somethings I just can’t control. People joke about my sadness, it isn’t funny

Alex.

Alex. in Sadness

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